Welcome to No, Seriously... I'm Jen Logan. These are my adventures, experiences and opinions. If you are new to the site and can't decide if you want to send me gifts because you think I am so awesome, or send my husband an escape plan because you feel so bad for him - I recommend a few stories to get to know me.

I listen to great music! I also remember pretty much every life event I have had by what music was streaming in my head at the time.

I screw things up a lot! I'm okay with this. The more you screw things up, the less people ask you to do. The things I am good at, I'm pretty damn good at.

My husband is a saint! He truly is. He has stuck it out with me for almost thirteen years now.

Being a parent is the greatest gift in the World! It is also the messiest and scariest gift I have ever received.

Sugar Junkie

Sugar Junkie

My husband is a sugar junkie through and through. Last night at the gym he decided it was a good idea make a stop at Whole Foods on the way home for some cookies from the bakery. When it was determined that neither of us had a wallet, he devised a plan whereby he would use his gym card to buy all kinds of wholesome goodies and take them to Whole Foods where he would find someone using a Bridge Card to pay for their purchases and trade them the previously purchased goodies for a ton of cookies. I pointed out that only a true junkie would find a way to get his sugar and make sure it was paid for by the...

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I Can Do Hard Things!

I Can Do Hard Things!

Have you ever met someone who seems to be good at everything they do? Pediatrician by day, chef in the evening, pro tennis player on the weekends and super model at every charity event you see her at. Yeah, that bitch! And you can't even call her a bitch because she isn't. She is a good friend, the Mom you call when your kid needs a place to hang out after school for a few hours and the neighbor who calls to tell you how sorry she is when she hears your cat died. I am not her, not even close. I come home from work most days and look in the refrigerator with confusion about how my husband can build an actual...

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Thank God my Daughter is a Velma

Thank God my Daughter is a Velma

The other morning while my daughter and I were rocking out to the Hex Girls in the car she pointed out that the song was from the Scooby Doo episode where Daphne was really jealous because Fred was giving the Hex Girls attention. She said "wasn't that silly Mama, Daphne thought Fred liked the Hex Girls more than her!" I wanted to tell her that of course Fred would be a fool not to like the Hex Girls more than Daphne, but I was a good Mom and stuck to the lesson plan. Unfortunately most of stories involving both her Dad and me don't include him giving attention to other females. He's kind of an introvert and...

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Demons

Demons

I went to a funeral yesterday for a twenty four year old woman. I think everyone would agree this is far too young to die. It was not mentioned in her obituary or at the funeral how she died, only that she died suddenly. "Suddenly", it's the code word for in a tragic way that we don't want to talk about. I get it. If my daughter died because her demons finally won, I don't know if I could put into words what killed her. I would want her to be remembered for the good she brought to the world, not for how she left it. I don't know what I would feel if I had to say good bye to my child because the demons won even...

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Just call me Helen

Just call me Helen

I was at a party and a woman whom I have known for a few years walked over with her husband and introduced me as "Kathy". I corrected her (of course) and we both laughed at how bad we are with names, but for a minute my ego got a little inflamed. It jumped up with it's big peacock feathers screaming "don't you know who I am?" and then I remembered that as I was approaching her I was struggling to remember her name, which by all accounts should have been a piece of cake since she shares a name with my Grandmother! Oh ego, you little beast. Of course everyone should know my name. Meanwhile I have walked by the...

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Frenemies

Frenemies

I think the most complicated relationships are between women. I say this because I am a woman and I can't even figure out how I think half the time, let alone what most normal women think. I also don't have a lot of women in my life that I am close with, I have always gravitated toward the dudes. Even as a little girl I watched the game with the men instead of hanging around the food with the women at family gatherings. I think the easiest explanation for this is that I think in very black and white terms and I lead with my head rather than my heart which is common for males. I find so many women are afraid to...

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Family Vacation

Family Vacation

I'm not sure who thought it was a good idea to come to Florida in August, but here we are - me, the husband, spawn and old folks. My Mom's idea of a good vacation is lounging by the pool. My husband's idea of a good vacation is seeing everything the destination has to offer. My daughter's idea of a good vacation is her doing exactly what she wants exactly when she wants which is typically the exact opposite thing of what we are trying to do. So, here we are in Orlando. We planned on appeasing everyone by spending a few days at theme parks and a day and a half by the pool. But my dumb ass ended up buying tickets...

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Life Lesson from My Five Year Old

Life Lesson from My Five Year Old

My daughter got punched in the face by a three year old little girl the other day while she was at the child care center at our gym. When the little girl was asked why she did it she said she didn't know. My daughter's reaction to getting socked in the head was not at all what I would have expected. She didn't retaliate, she didn't cry, she told an adult and went about her business. This very minor random act of violence didn't bring her down one bit. This made me very proud and very confused. I was of course proud that she did the right thing, but honestly, I did not expect that reaction. I expected her to...

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My Life and Music

My Life and Music

The chapters in my life are marked by what music I was listening to at the time. For instance, when I was a freshman at Michigan State University I listened to a lot of punk rock like Black Flag & Minor Threat. I used to have a crush on a DJ at the radio station so I called into his show a lot. Every time I called I asked him to play "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" by the Ramones. Subtle, I know. I would like to say my game got better as I got older, but it didn't. I was listening to the Smiths a lot when I started dating my husband. To stay mentally balanced I also listened to a lot of Hatebreed & Refused....

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In the Middle

In the Middle

I am 44 today and on this day I am celebrating another year on this planet by going to the Warped Tour. On what will be one of the hottest days of the summer I am going to gather with a bunch of fifteen year old kids and listen to really loud punk rock music. My fifteen year old self would have thought this to be awesome and my forty year old self would have found this to be very embarrassing. Four years ago I would have been stuck between trying to dress cool and look like I wasn't a middle aged woman at a punk show or wearing a really low cut top in hopes that my boobs would distract everyone from the fact...

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