Welcome to No, Seriously... I'm Jen Logan. These are my adventures, experiences and opinions. If you are new to the site and can't decide if you want to send me gifts because you think I am so awesome, or send my husband an escape plan because you feel so bad for him - I recommend a few stories to get to know me.

I listen to great music! I also remember pretty much every life event I have had by what music was streaming in my head at the time.

I screw things up a lot! I'm okay with this. The more you screw things up, the less people ask you to do. The things I am good at, I'm pretty damn good at.

My husband is a saint! He truly is. He has stuck it out with me for almost thirteen years now.

Being a parent is the greatest gift in the World! It is also the messiest and scariest gift I have ever received.

Potty Mouth

Potty Mouth

I walked in on a conversation between my husband and daughter last night about how all the kids in her class are talking about swear words. I have been hearing about this for months so I was a little surprised that she hadn't brought it up to her dad yet. Maybe it's because they just went to see a movie over the weekend where she spent much of the time covering her ears so as not to hear any swearing. I know this is hard to believe, but she doesn't hear the f-bomb a lot. I clean up my gutter mouth around her as much as I can. Also, she usually doesn't really listen to me. Somewhere along the way she started...

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Negotiating With a Shark

Negotiating With a Shark

My dad is a do-it-yourself kind of guy. He cuts his own lawn (at two houses), paints his own walls (naked), installs his own dock and boat lift (with minor disasters) and does his own bathroom renovations. And for as long as I can remember I have been his trusty assistant. When I was younger he had to bribe me to help, now I have to bully my way in. He is getting older and I don't want him to break a hip or anything. If he did, I may have to figure out how to finish the project alone! My dad is currently renovating the master bathroom at his lake house. It's a fairly large undertaking since he is moving...

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It’s Raining Men

It’s Raining Men

I went to a male review this weekend. The word review has a bad connotation for me. I think of my former job and the dreaded performance reviews that were meaningless and painfully boring. The feeling that comes along with that word has not changed - I still feel a little nauseous, and now maybe like I need a shower. I'm also a little confused about why these shows are called a review. I didn't get any score card to fill out. Maybe it is more of a review for the audience about what the correct body parts are or what a guy is supposed to look like naked. Either way, review is not a word that makes me jump up and...

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You Make Me Wanna Puke

You Make Me Wanna Puke

I'm beginning to wonder if a few days with me makes my family sick. Every other time we go out of town or spend a long weekend together we all end up sick. I mean, I get it - I make myself a little sick on a regular basis, but it would be great to spend some time together without having to worry which one of them is going to start throwing up first. I would like to say I am not the cause of it, but I seem to always be the last one to catch whatever plague takes down our house. I spend the first few days after vacation taking care of the other two and then my mom has to take over babysitting while I barf for a...

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Kiss With A Fist

Kiss With A Fist

Believe it or not, when I was a little kid, I was super shy. I didn't really blossom until second grade when I changed schools. But, my first two years in school were pretty hellish, mostly because I was small and shy, and therefore, easy prey for the bullies of the public school system. Oh yeah, and I was smart. Smart enough that my teachers were somewhat frustrated with the fact that I already knew how to do a lot of the things they were supposed to be teaching me how to do. I was not particularly popular with my classmates or the teachers. I remember riding my bike to school one time when I was in first...

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She’s a Supermodel

She’s a Supermodel

I took my daughter to get her hair cut last weekend. She has ridiculously thick, curly hair. It is beautiful, but when it gets too long it gets tangles. Some are so bad that it looks like she is working on some natural dreadlocks. One day I expect her to walk out of her room with a crocheted beanie on saying "Ya mon." Her hair is hard for me to deal with since I have the exact opposite hair. Mine is thin, soft and fine, much like an infant's. We spend a lot of mornings fighting over the maintenance of the nest attached to the back of her head. I explain to her that even if she can't see the back of her head it...

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Sock It To Me

Sock It To Me

Apparently my house now has communal socks. A month ago I bought myself new gym socks, but several pair have disappeared. A few weeks ago I found a pair on my daughter's feet. The best part was she just thought I bought her new socks since she found them in her drawer. This is what happens when my husband folds the clothes. He has no idea what undergarments belong to who either. I found a pair of Wonder Woman underpants in my drawer awhile ago. They were a size 8, as in made for an 8 year old child. One of the problems is that I buy cool socks. I bought a set of Harry Potter themed socks that have slowly...

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Not a Hairpiece

Not a Hairpiece

If I have learned one thing as a parent it is that anything I say that I do not want repeated will be repeated, and probably in public. Having a child is a lot like having a parrot. A very drunk parrot. Since I am usually the parent listening in horror as my child talks about the lazy neighbor who never brings in his recycling bin in front of said neighbor, I am always amused to hear other people's children do the same thing. Luckily I get to hear all kinds of amusing bits of information from kids every week. I tutor first through sixth graders one day a week for an hour, and I am pretty sure I learn more from...

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I Can’t Quit You

I Can’t Quit You

We finally cancelled our gym membership after complaining about the place for a year. We were paying a small fortune to change in filthy locker rooms, shower with mold and get hit on by hairy old fat men in the co-ed sauna. I know that last one might seem like a perk to some people, but seriously, I have been given the head to toe eyeball by an old man that I thought was wearing a sweater in the sauna. It was, in fact, just back hair. Not just any back hair - grey back hair, and lots of it. At least I didn't have to see him later in the locker room, unlike my husband. When I went to the membership desk to...

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Pump It Up

Pump It Up

I gained five pounds. While getting changed into my bathing suit at the gym I discovered exactly where the five pounds are located and all five are trying to squeeze into my bikini top. Of course the pounds are also not evenly distributed. Go figure. When I made this discovery, I of course snapped a photo and texted it to my husband. These are the kinds of texts he gets from me frequently. He should consider himself lucky that he isn't getting shots of the new mole I have on my shoulder or what appear to be stretch marks on my right thigh. I have been told that people don't start sharing questionable moles and...

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