Welcome to No, Seriously... I'm Jen Logan. These are my adventures, experiences and opinions. If you are new to the site and can't decide if you want to send me gifts because you think I am so awesome, or send my husband an escape plan because you feel so bad for him - I recommend a few stories to get to know me.

I listen to great music! I also remember pretty much every life event I have had by what music was streaming in my head at the time.

I screw things up a lot! I'm okay with this. The more you screw things up, the less people ask you to do. The things I am good at, I'm pretty damn good at.

My husband is a saint! He truly is. He has stuck it out with me for almost thirteen years now.

Being a parent is the greatest gift in the World! It is also the messiest and scariest gift I have ever received.

I Wanna Be Sedated

I Wanna Be Sedated

People have lost their minds. Bat shit crazy, lost their minds. In just a week almost every one of my family members has had an encounter with a lunatic demanding everyone step aside for them to assert their rights. Strangely, not one of these incidents was related to wearing a mask in public which is where I see most of the lunatics asserting their "rights". My poor husband who never bothers anyone encountered some crazy old man who told him to "fuck off" after his dog came running through the school yard. The man had intentionally let his dog off it's leash a foot in front of the "no dogs allowed" sign at the...

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Miss Communication

Miss Communication

They need some form of parental warning on television that reads "Warning - may induce uncomfortable conversations." Forget about sex, violence and swearing, I need a warning to leave the room before a subject like puberty comes up. My child has asked me about the female anatomy more than I cared to discuss in the past week. The first time she was watching The Babysitters Club. In one episode the girls talk relentlessly about getting their periods. When my daughter asked me what that meant I told her we'll talk about it next year but it's something that happens to all girls and she doesn't need to worry about...

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Get Out of My Sandbox

Get Out of My Sandbox

I do not work well with others. Generally I find people annoying, so having to rely on them to complete a task is a real chore for me. I am in school again, and the program I am in apparently requires me to work with others quite a bit. I have collaborated well for the most part. I haven't lost my shit on anyone...yet... but some projects are more difficult than others. Group papers are especially challenging. I have come to the conclusion that in any group paper situation, when the group consists of more than three people, you end up with a problematic character.  I had a group paper last semester which was...

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Die, Die My Darling

Die, Die My Darling

While boating the other day, I told my dad we were trying to kill him. An hour later my husband and dad almost killed me. Karma sometimes acts pretty quickly. Seriously karma, I was just kidding! Not that my husband trying to kill me is anything new. In fact, I'm pretty sure he has been working on a plan since the day we were married based on the amount of "accidents" I have had in the last 16 years. I am going to ignore the fact that I am accident prone here. Let me start by saying that my kid and I are daredevils. When it comes to dangerous activities, we are all in. So needless to say, when we go rafting, we...

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Mommy’s Little Monster

Mommy’s Little Monster

My child is spending way too much time with me. And I think it may be turning her into kind of an asshole. I heard her talking to her dad in the kitchen and she said "you're killing me John!" I could picture her hands on her hips standing the same way I do when I tell him how he is literally causing my slow and painful death by loading the dishwasher wrong. I am kind of an asshole, so I spot one when I see one. Every day she spends with me makes her a little mouthier and a little more judgmental. She is even starting to point out who doesn't take care of their landscaping in our neighborhood and who is driving...

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Guilty of Being White

Guilty of Being White

Some days I feel like I am living in an alternate universe. I have often said that the last few years have felt like a Marvel Comic movie where an evil villain has taken over and some dude wearing tights will show up at any minute and save the day. And I just keep hoping it's Henry Rollins, but maybe without the tights. But the last week has left me flummoxed. So flummoxed in fact that I am using old-timey words like flummoxed. I'm not shocked and horrified by people protesting and causing chaos, I'm shocked that everyone is not joining them. I am shocked and horrified that the same people who are so vocal...

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Sad Semester

Sad Semester

There are many reasons I send my child to someone else during the day to learn her three Rs. I don't understand new math, I don't explain things well, I need to look at a map to tell you where Nebraska is and I can't figure out which fingers go on which holes on that godawful instrument called a recorder. But at the very top of the list of why homeschooling is not a good idea for this family is because after three days of too much time learning together, we all want to murder each other. Strangely, I am more of the victim in this situation than the instigator. If I were my daughter's real teacher, she would be...

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Let’s Get Physical

Let’s Get Physical

The past month has been strange to say the least. My child is home all the time, my husband is home but working long hours, we can't go to church, the library, my beloved Target or out to dinner. But the change that is most disruptive to me is that I can no longer go to the gym. This was such a concern to me that before I even thought about getting my daughter set up in her new remote learning space I was online ordering an elliptical to be delivered as quickly as possible. I was fully aware that not everyone in my house would make it through this crisis if I was not able to sweat it out for an hour a day....

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Don’t Stand So Close To Me

Don’t Stand So Close To Me

This social distancing thing has been really eye opening on a lot of fronts for me. I have learned that some people just don't understand what combinations of words like "social" and "distancing" mean together, much like "self" and "checkout" at the grocery store seems to confound people. I have also learned that people have spacial relation issues and do not understand the difference between six feet and six inches. And worst I have discovered that I may actually be a rule follower deep down.Let me start by saying I am not a catastrophizer, I am also not a joiner. But when I heard that we could avoid spreading...

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Pandemic Vacation

Pandemic Vacation

My daughter has spent the last six months mentioning how we haven't been to Disney World in "forever" which is the equivalent of three years. Every time she said this I mentioned that if she remembered going a few years ago that it clearly hasn't been that long. But apparently I am highly susceptible to brainwashing because about two months ago I started feeling like we hadn't been to Disney World in forever. I always knew I would make a great cult member. So I booked a trip for her birthday which just happened to fall on a Monday after a long weekend for parent-teacher conferences. It was like the universe was...

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