Welcome to No, Seriously... I'm Jen Logan. These are my adventures, experiences and opinions. If you are new to the site and can't decide if you want to send me gifts because you think I am so awesome, or send my husband an escape plan because you feel so bad for him - I recommend a few stories to get to know me.

I listen to great music! I also remember pretty much every life event I have had by what music was streaming in my head at the time.

I screw things up a lot! I'm okay with this. The more you screw things up, the less people ask you to do. The things I am good at, I'm pretty damn good at.

My husband is a saint! He truly is. He has stuck it out with me for almost thirteen years now.

Being a parent is the greatest gift in the World! It is also the messiest and scariest gift I have ever received.

Mommy’s Little Monster

Mommy’s Little Monster

My child is spending way too much time with me. And I think it may be turning her into kind of an asshole. I heard her talking to her dad in the kitchen and she said "you're killing me John!" I could picture her hands on her hips standing the same way I do when I tell him how he is literally causing my slow and painful death by loading the dishwasher wrong. I am kind of an asshole, so I spot one when I see one. Every day she spends with me makes her a little mouthier and a little more judgmental. She is even starting to point out who doesn't take care of their landscaping in our neighborhood and who is driving...

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Guilty of Being White

Guilty of Being White

Some days I feel like I am living in an alternate universe. I have often said that the last few years have felt like a Marvel Comic movie where an evil villain has taken over and some dude wearing tights will show up at any minute and save the day. And I just keep hoping it's Henry Rollins, but maybe without the tights. But the last week has left me flummoxed. So flummoxed in fact that I am using old-timey words like flummoxed. I'm not shocked and horrified by people protesting and causing chaos, I'm shocked that everyone is not joining them. I am shocked and horrified that the same people who are so vocal...

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Sad Semester

Sad Semester

There are many reasons I send my child to someone else during the day to learn her three Rs. I don't understand new math, I don't explain things well, I need to look at a map to tell you where Nebraska is and I can't figure out which fingers go on which holes on that godawful instrument called a recorder. But at the very top of the list of why homeschooling is not a good idea for this family is because after three days of too much time learning together, we all want to murder each other. Strangely, I am more of the victim in this situation than the instigator. If I were my daughter's real teacher, she would be...

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Let’s Get Physical

Let’s Get Physical

The past month has been strange to say the least. My child is home all the time, my husband is home but working long hours, we can't go to church, the library, my beloved Target or out to dinner. But the change that is most disruptive to me is that I can no longer go to the gym. This was such a concern to me that before I even thought about getting my daughter set up in her new remote learning space I was online ordering an elliptical to be delivered as quickly as possible. I was fully aware that not everyone in my house would make it through this crisis if I was not able to sweat it out for an hour a day....

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Don’t Stand So Close To Me

Don’t Stand So Close To Me

This social distancing thing has been really eye opening on a lot of fronts for me. I have learned that some people just don't understand what combinations of words like "social" and "distancing" mean together, much like "self" and "checkout" at the grocery store seems to confound people. I have also learned that people have spacial relation issues and do not understand the difference between six feet and six inches. And worst I have discovered that I may actually be a rule follower deep down.Let me start by saying I am not a catastrophizer, I am also not a joiner. But when I heard that we could avoid spreading...

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Pandemic Vacation

Pandemic Vacation

My daughter has spent the last six months mentioning how we haven't been to Disney World in "forever" which is the equivalent of three years. Every time she said this I mentioned that if she remembered going a few years ago that it clearly hasn't been that long. But apparently I am highly susceptible to brainwashing because about two months ago I started feeling like we hadn't been to Disney World in forever. I always knew I would make a great cult member. So I booked a trip for her birthday which just happened to fall on a Monday after a long weekend for parent-teacher conferences. It was like the universe was...

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Dr. Feelgood

Dr. Feelgood

My daughter had her first wellness checkup in two years last week. We had switched pediatricians a few years ago after I got fed up with the snarky receptionist at the office we had been going to for the first seven years of my daughter's life. We made it to her seven year wellness visit at the new office and haven't gone back since. I'm not anti-doctor, but I view them the same way I view the police, only contact them when necessary. Since my kiddo has remained relatively healthy over the past few years, we really had no reason to visit our new doctor. I was feeling pretty proud of myself for getting my...

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Down in a Hole

Down in a Hole

My mom fell in a hole last week. To be more specific, she fell in a hole that my dad put in the floor, while she was trying to help him. So, he pretty much pushed her into a hole. Actually, it's not that surprising. My dad is consistently creating hazardous situations and my mom is pretty consistently falling down. The fact that my mom hasn't fallen halfway into the basement due to a giant hole in the floor before this time is pretty impressive. I remember most of my dad's home improvements based on how someone was injured by them. I have incurred scratches, bruises, burns and punctures to pretty much every...

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You Can’t Sit With Us

You Can’t Sit With Us

Little girls are supposed to be full of sugar and spice, but a lot of them are full of piss and vinegar. I volunteer at my daughter's school for lunch and recess once a week and I see a lot of sugar and a lot of vinegar. It's always comical to me when I see the girls who try to show me how sweet they are while spitting venom at half of the kids around them. When my daughter was in first grade a new girl entered her class like a little lightening rod of drama. She told fantastic stories about having to fly to Paris for the weekend for her father's wedding and how her brother got drunk on church wine at his first...

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Pretty Woman

Pretty Woman

There are few things I enjoy more than watching people feel uncomfortable. Strangely, I am often somehow connected to their uneasiness. So imagine my delight when I got to experience an old guy feeling very uncomfortable by my presence walking through a casino at 8 am! I don't know how anyone can feel completely comfortable in a casino at that hour but when you think you are being propositioned by a woman in pajamas it's probably super awkward. I was walking back to our room through the casino after dropping off our towels at the pool this morning when I heard one of the interactive tables talking. "Come...

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