The day after Thanksgiving 2003

The day after Thanksgiving 2003

Sometimes I am so full of gratitude that it leaks out of my eyes. And what better day to be grateful than on Thanksgiving. I was standing in my kitchen washing green beans thinking about the people I have met in my life and how grateful I am for all of them, good and bad, the lessons I have learned from all of these interactions no matter how big or small that have shaped me into who I am right now. Thirteen years ago on the day after Thanksgiving I sat eating a pumpkin pie in bed with this guy. I didn’t know then that his life and my life would become our life. And today there is one more in bed to share the pie and hog the whipped cream. Life is really good.


Down with the Sickness

Riley Hulk Roid RageMy five year old has roid rage. She was prescribed Prednisolone for a cough last week. The cough is still around but now it’s a little deeper and comes with a punch. Within a few minutes of taking her medicine she is ready to swing at anyone who walks by. It would be easier if she were not taking it right before bed but I am a little apprehensive about sending her out into the world all juiced up. I don’t want her getting sent home from school because she put one of her classmates in a choke hold. After going to school a month ago with a black eye, they might think we are operating a mini fight club in our basement. So she takes her medicine at night and in the time it takes me to rinse out the cup she has changed from my sweet little girl into Lou Ferrigno. I can only see the whites of her eyes as she growls “I don’t need pajamas!” (more…)

Unlikely Heroes

Travis Barker photo by Adam Elmakias

Travis Barker photo by Adam Elmakias

I picked up Travis Barker’s book Can I Say: Living Large, Cheating Death, and Drums, Drums, Drums in hopes that I might become a good drummer through osmosis. I am sick of being the dead weight in our family band. I should have known better. Travis says that to become a good drummer I need to practice, practice, practice. Oh Travis, we had a really good thing going. I was right there with you when you talked about being passionate about playing and having heart, but the whole work hard thing is just too much for a slacker like me. I am retiring the dream of forming my own punk band and going on tour, but I am going to start practicing more so I don’t let my current bandmates down. I do have some integrity. I do not have high hopes that this whole band thing is going to go well. In fact, I’m fairly certain I am going to fall on my face, but that’s okay, I am having fun. Now I just need someone to explain to my daughter that Mommy isn’t ruining her band on purpose, I’m just not the same caliber of musician as the other two band members. (more…)

Men Really Are From Mars

Why are you all dressed up ladies? Didn't you hear there are no men coming!

Why are you all dressed up ladies? Didn’t you hear there are no men coming!

I was standing in the lobby of Aria the other night with a few of my coworkers watching as a line formed for the nightclub and one of the men in our group pointed out that the line consisted of about two hundred young women. He was fascinated by this. What was more fascinating to him was the fact that they were all dressed up in mini dresses and high heels. He said “why would they spend all that time getting dressed up? There are no guys here to impress.” I don’t know if my mouth dropped open or not at the question but he proceeded to keep talking anyway. He said “I like my chances with this many women.” Still I continued to say nothing. The middle aged nerdy accountant liked his chances with the two hundred twenty five year old girls in line. Somehow I think his pickup line may have been “so, why are you so dressed up, there are hardly any men here….” Little did he know there was a concierge inside passing out sweatshirts and pajama bottoms for all of the women when they became aware that there were no men inside waiting for their approval. (more…)


The last time I was away from my family for a few days was five years ago on a company trip to Las Vegas. I am back again in Las Vegas on another company trip for the weekend. This time my daughter is old enough to know that I will be gone for a few days and she doesn’t like it. None of us enjoy being apart, but it is what it is and it gives her some time to spend alone with her Dad which is something she will no doubt look back on with fond memories. The thing with traveling alone when married is you are constantly looking beside you to share sights and sounds with your best friend and they aren’t there. Walking through casinos without my husband to people watch with is not as much fun. The bad combovers and girls pouring out of their dresses are not as entertaining without being able to give a little look beside me to the one person who knows exactly what I am thinking about each and every one of them. I was missing him terribly last night, and then we walked into the House of Blues for dinner and I almost fell over. (more…)

It’s Vegas Baby!

Now I know why people say “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” It’s because they can’t wash their eyeballs. As I was strolling down the hall this morning to get my cold brew iced coffee I ran into what appeared to be two large pimps pulling a hooker out of a hotel room. As I was walking by they were talking very rapidly in Spanish and one was trying to hush the other. I got the impression they were saying something like “Don’t worry, the little blonde white lady has no idea what we are talking about right now…” Now I really wish I had paid better attention in my high school Spanish class. The woman was clearly drunk or high and laughing as she bid farewell to the room guest as they escorted her out. I have never wanted to get on an elevator so quickly in my life. And now I want to shower. Oh Vegas, you do not disappoint. I have never been so grateful to be a boring midwesterner.