This is Why We Stay Home

I go for the snacks.

My husband loves to go to the movies. I do not. Once or twice a year, I throw him a bone and we go to a movie theater. Unfortunately for him this usually also requires that we go to dinner and spend the night at a fancy hotel. This is not because I am high maintenance, this is because I am a creature of habit. Since the year we were married we have been going to the Townsend Hotel for an overnight stay. We go to dinner and a movie, sleep in and eat like pigs. Truth be told, it is all about the bakery basket we get in the morning with breakfast. He could probably save a lot of money by heading straight to the bakery. All he would have to do it stuff his pockets full of pastries and I would follow him anywhere. We could skip the dinner and head straight for the movie as long as he fed me those pastries. (more…)

I’m Turning Into my Mother

I’m Turning Into my Mother and technologically challenged

Hello? Hello?

Last saturday I woke up to see that I had a voicemail from my Mom. I walked down into my kitchen to get my coffee while listening to the message. I pressed play but heard nothing. Pulling the phone away from my ear I read the transcription, but still heard no audio recording. I stopped the message and hit play again. Still nothing. On my third attempt, the garage door opened and my husband yelled for me. At the same moment I heard my Mom’s voice coming through the speakers of my car. My husband had my car running in the garage while he was making sure the tires were all properly filled. I like my music loud so the volume in my car is usually cranked up. This day was no exception. My mom’s voice was coming through the car speakers like she was running up and down the street with a bullhorn. And it was repeating since I had been standing there pressing play over and over again. Shaking his head with a smirk, my husband told me to turn off the MB blue tooth. I did and the message immediately played through my phone speaker. Problem solved. (more…)

I’m a Square Peg

I’m still a petulant teenager.

My boss thinks I am an idiot. He doesn’t say it in as many words, but it shows more often than not in his actions. He asked me to do some research on a project for a foreign client. I did the research and gave him and the client the information two weeks ago. He then discussed the project with another individual in the office who is a little like the wizard of Oz, running everything from behind the curtain. She is never wrong about anything and is very happy to tell you how right she is in the form of red corrections on any of your work she sees needs fixing. I call her the red pen lady. She reviews the work of idiots like me who can’t spell their own name without help. We often get this work returned to us with red marks all over it where we missed crossing a “t” or dotting an “i”. Nothing leaves the office before she has approved it. So of course my boss had to get her involved in this project. (more…)

Men Really Are From Mars

Why are you all dressed up ladies? Didn't you hear there are no men coming!

Why are you all dressed up ladies? Didn’t you hear there are no men coming!

I was standing in the lobby of Aria the other night with a few of my coworkers watching as a line formed for the nightclub and one of the men in our group pointed out that the line consisted of about two hundred young women. He was fascinated by this. What was more fascinating to him was the fact that they were all dressed up in mini dresses and high heels. He said “why would they spend all that time getting dressed up? There are no guys here to impress.” I don’t know if my mouth dropped open or not at the question but he proceeded to keep talking anyway. He said “I like my chances with this many women.” Still I continued to say nothing. The middle aged nerdy accountant liked his chances with the two hundred twenty five year old girls in line. Somehow I think his pickup line may have been “so, why are you so dressed up, there are hardly any men here….” Little did he know there was a concierge inside passing out sweatshirts and pajama bottoms for all of the women when they became aware that there were no men inside waiting for their approval. (more…)

Doppelganger

The last time I was away from my family for a few days was five years ago on a company trip to Las Vegas. I am back again in Las Vegas on another company trip for the weekend. This time my daughter is old enough to know that I will be gone for a few days and she doesn’t like it. None of us enjoy being apart, but it is what it is and it gives her some time to spend alone with her Dad which is something she will no doubt look back on with fond memories. The thing with traveling alone when married is you are constantly looking beside you to share sights and sounds with your best friend and they aren’t there. Walking through casinos without my husband to people watch with is not as much fun. The bad combovers and girls pouring out of their dresses are not as entertaining without being able to give a little look beside me to the one person who knows exactly what I am thinking about each and every one of them. I was missing him terribly last night, and then we walked into the House of Blues for dinner and I almost fell over. (more…)

Never too Old

Aimee Interrupter

I spent the day dressed up as Rainbow Dash with a car decorated for Trunk or Treat at my daughter’s school. It was what she wanted, and honestly both her Dad and I were a little relieved after having done a Kiss theme last year that received mixed reactions. The parents who knew us already knew no matter what we did we would be all in. So we were ponies and we rocked it. But Rainbow Dash can only sparkle for so long before she needs to throw on a pair of boots and dance to a little punk rock. Luckily my husband and I had concert tickets last night as well. (more…)

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