Cats Are Assholes
Seriously, cats are pushy, demanding, stubborn little jerks. My two baby boys have been getting mani-pedis since the time they moved in with us and all of a sudden they have decided they want nothing to do with the vet or the vet techs. A few months ago when they went for their regular monthly visit, Rollins decided he was done with nail trims, swatted at the vet tech and screamed bloody murder. I actually heard the little devil hiss for the first time when the tech tried to remove him from his carrier. They sent us home with drugs to sedate him and the next day they clipped his little razors while he tried to swing at the techs in slow motion.
When the time came for their annual exams the following month, we were directed to drug up both cats prior to the visit. The problem with this is big brother Milo is smart enough to know when he is being set up. Both cats reluctantly ate the drugs the night before and Milo slept so hard he didn’t even notice Rollins trying to rip his ears off in the middle of the night. The following morning we had to shoot the medication down their throats with a syringe after they refused even their favorite tuna water laced with sedatives. Two hours later Milo was able to complete his appointment unphased, while Rollins was still swinging away like a prize fighter. The vet explained that his anxiety had temporarily overridden the medication which proved accurate when we got him home and was so high he toppled over head first into his water fountain. Back to the drawing board.
We were instructed to purchase a soft-sided carrier with multiple points of access and sent home with a new, stronger sedative for the next week. When appointment day arrived I fed Rollins his sedative laced food and waited an hour for him to start getting sloppy. When he still had the zoomies, I gave him a second dose and watched him zone out in his cat tree. When we arrived at the vet he was thoroughly stoned and ready to go… until they brought him in the procedure room. For about a half hour I waited in the empty exam room listening to the entire staff of the vet practice laugh in the back room. When they finally returned my little demon to the exam room, I was informed that he remained awake for 15 minutes after being injected with the drug that should have knocked him out immediately. They were able to draw his blood and give him all of his vaccines while awake but sedate. As soon as they had completed their work, he passed out. Once again, adrenaline overrode the sedatives but he eventually succumbed to the medication. When we brought him home, all of the drugs kicked in and he toppled into his food, did a header into the cabinets and passed out on a blanket on the floor. I had to carry him down to the litter box so he wouldn’t wet the bed.
Since knocking the cats out every month for trims is not an option, we are finally going to learn how to clip the boys’ nails at home. We have been able to successfully sedate Milo and take care of his claws while he slept, but Rollins has been a little challenging. I have a feeling nobody is going to come out of this process unscathed.
*I wrote this while listening to Christmas music. It’s December!
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