No More Words

No More Words

I love the way my seven year old daughter's brain works. In many ways she is like an adult already, but she lacks life experience and she perceives things a bit differently than I do. The other night we were talking about the activities surrounding lent at her school. She told me they had discussed almsgiving and one of the activities would be giving to babies. She brought home an empty plastic baby bottle to fill with money and return to her teacher. She interpreted this act as giving money to babies in general, not just those whose parents struggle to provide for them. She has a teacher who just had a baby....

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You Say It’s Your Birthday

You Say It’s Your Birthday

I was born in July. I never knew how lucky my parents were to have a summer baby until I had a child in March and started to throw birthday parties. The weather in Michigan in March is as fickle as Taylor Swift. The day of my daughter's first birthday party in 2012 was an unseasonably warm day. We had to turn on the air conditioning an hour into the party because it was starting to feel like Aruba in August with thirty people in the house. The following year we had to put extra rugs by the front door for people's boots. There was over a foot of snow to remove in the driveway. Needless to say, birthday parties...

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I Like Food

I Like Food

I very rarely eat fast food. Questionable animal parts in a grease soaked bag is not my idea of tasty. I have an occasional breakfast from a cheap eats establishment before an early morning flight, or pick up a burger and frosty for my daughter after she badgers me for three weeks and I can use it to bribe her into doing a chore without complaining, but those events are few and far between. I can count on my hands the number of times I have ordered food through a little speaker and was able to pay for a meal for three with a twenty dollar bill. I didn't always have an aversion to fast food. As a matter of fact,...

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Am I Demon

Am I Demon

I don't know why I always identify with the villain, but since I was a kid I have always felt a certain camaraderie with the "bad guy". I have always been drawn to people who are clever and ingenious. I like someone who is quick witted and a little cynical and if he can con Kanye West into shutting his egomaniac piehole for 30 seconds, even better. That kind of magic is like watching the Sistine Chapel being painted. Unfortunately, this kind of artistry is rarely used for good. It's always the villains who possess these qualities in books and movies. When I was a small child I was never a big fan of fairy...

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Cherry Bomb

Cherry Bomb

People who know me know that I tend to be pretty direct. I don't beat around the bush. This is either a gift or a curse, depending on how you look at it. I like to think of it as a gift. This is probably because I don't really care much about what people think of me. I have what you would call a healthy ego. If I was worried about pissing people off and them disliking me, it would certainly be a curse. It's not that I want to hurt people's feelings, I am just pretty comfortable with the truth, even when it sucks. I would rather hear the truth, even if it stings a little. I would also rather give the truth than...

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Every Breath You Take

Every Breath You Take

My child is stalking a guy on my meditation app. At the end of the meditation a screen appears with a congratulations and a list of people who were using the app at the same time. When the meditation ends, my daughter immediately picks up the phone to look at all of the pictures of the people who were meditating with us. Every night there is someone named Chris who uses a picture that she likes in the list. And every night she tries to click the button to send a "thanks for meditating with me" message. She literally scrolls through pages of little pictures until she finds Chris every single night. I have tried...

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Bleach

Bleach

As I lie in bed last night reading my book I could smell bleach as if there was a bowl of it sitting next to me. I thought maybe it was coming from the bathroom where I had cleaned earlier in the night so I walked in to take a sniff, however, there was no bleach smell at all. Apparently I didn't clean that well if the smell had already dissipated. I went back to bed and picked up my book again only to find the bleach smell invade my nostrils once more. I quickly took a whiff of my hand and found that the smell was indeed emanating from me. This is typical. I probably got more bleach on myself than I did on the...

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Adventure Time

Adventure Time

What do you do when an adventure is in front of you? Do you take it or do you look for every reason to say "I can't"? I come from an adventurous family. We traveled a lot when I was growing up and it was always an adventure. My Dad was the kind of guy who would jump in a car, or better yet on a motorcycle, and just go. And I was right there with him ready for the next big adventure. Most people get less adventurous as they get older. They see enough of life to be scared of what they may be saying yes to and the closer they get to death, the more cautious they become. Not me! I am as carefree and impetuous as...

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That’s What She Said

That’s What She Said

My six year old just handed me her cup that she had filled almost to the top with sparkling fruit water and said "here Mom, have a drink." I knew this was because she had overfilled her cup so I asked her if she needed me to drink some so she could carry it into the other room. Her response was "Well, yeah... you have big jugs!!" Sometimes it takes me a minute to decipher what this kid is trying to say. She is funny and sarcastic but sometimes her vernacular is a little off. My mind was shuffling through all of the phrases that sounded remotely like the words just uttered and finally came to "you take big...

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Do You Even Lift Bro?

Do You Even Lift Bro?

I have a love/hate relationship with the gym. It's not for the obvious reasons though. Most people don't like the actual work that is done at the gym but they love the results. I love working out, I just hate that it has to be with other people. The gym I go to is pretty crowded right now with all the people who decided that they were going to get in shape in 2018. They are the same people who made this vow at 12:01 on the first day of 2017. And just like last year, they will be gone by the end of February. But for now, they are mucking up the works. I have encountered more broken machines at the gym in the...

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