Mother Mary

Mother Mary

The other night I told my daughter we were going to church in the morning because it was a holy day of obligation. When she argued that it was a weekday and not a church day I told her we were going to celebrate the virgin Mary. I explained that we have all kinds of celebrations for Jesus but just this one day for his mother who was so important. She asked "will there be cake?" I guess it's not a proper celebration without cake in her mind. I almost lied just to get her to comply, but I knew that would somehow lead to me actually purchasing a cake, so I stuck with the truth. When I shared this story with my...

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Make Me Famous

Make Me Famous

Like most seven year olds, my daughter is obsessed with YouTube. She has been interested in filming videos for a few years now and I have told her that she can make videos, but I refuse to let he open toys, play with toys or otherwise promote toys in videos. She has settled on cooking, even after many attempts to bribe her to do more Logan Family Band videos. I guess my music skills are really that horrific. In addition to wanting to make videos, she loves watching YouTube. There is a family from Arizona that she recently discovered that makes a variety of videos. The kids are cute, but watching the parents...

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Wet Hot American Summer

Wet Hot American Summer

I dropped my daughter off at camp today for "slime week". It's a full week of making slime, playing with slime, slip and sliding in slime and probably bathing in slime. As long as she is not sniffing the glue they are making the slime with, I'm totally okay with this. Also, as long as they are not sending any of said slime home with my kid, it's good. I don't need a single other thing that can get ground into my couch. As I was walking out of the building there was a mom with two young boys almost in tears. She had brought her boys to soccer camp the wrong week. They were signed up for next week. She was on the...

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Mother

Mother

I was watching the news this morning and there was a story about how a toddler was injured at a playground that caught my interest. In the preview they kept showing a picture of a young mom sitting on a slide with her toddler on her lap, all smiles. I was already thinking that the mom was probably the one who accidentally injured the child, and sure enough when the story aired, it was the mom's fault - although the story wanted to somehow blame playgrounds as a whole. The mom went down the slide with the child in her lap and halfway down the kid's leg got stuck on the side of the slide and broke. Things happen....

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Love Cats

Love Cats

Every child in my daughter's class got a new pet last year. This is what I hear at least. I know of at least three that did in fact get a dog in the past year. But I'm pretty sure the majority of the remaining twenty two first graders did not get a new pet. Unfortunately, this is the one area where my kid wants to be just like the other kids and now she wants a pet. She initially asked for a puppy but quickly decided that a kitten would be a better choice based on the ease of poop retrieval. We went through all of the things she would have to do to care for a kitten and she feels strongly that she is capable of...

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Mother of the Year Part Eleven Million

Mother of the Year Part Eleven Million

I finally did it - the thing every parent dreads and hopes never happens to them. I forgot to pick up my kid from school. Actually, her grandparents didn't pick her up from school, but it was my fault. She had a noon dismissal on Friday and I didn't let my parents know so they showed up to pick her up at her normal dismissal time and found an empty parking lot. I actually called my mother at 1:30 to remind her that they were picking up at 3 that day. My poor child had already been sitting around for an hour and a half by that time. She was probably already four shades of pink from the hot weather and sun...

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The Payoff

The Payoff

My daughter would make a natural politician. She has the gift of gab, she can manipulate the stripes off a zebra and when all else fails, she knows that most problems can be solved with cold hard cash. She has been attempting to use this last technique to avoid doing anything she doesn't want to do lately. Last week I told her to get ready to go to the gym. She explained that it wasn't a good time for her since her friend doesn't go on Tuesdays. When I told her she would have plenty of other kids to play with, she waved a $5 at me and said "you can have THIS if you let me stay home from the gym!" When I asked...

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Material Girl

Material Girl

I placed an indefinite moratorium on toy purchases until my child starts enjoying doing things more than buying things. It may be a long time before anything made of plastic is paid for with plastic. We went to the zoo over the weekend and all she wanted to do was check out the gift shops and food stands. She literally walked right by two anteaters without blinking on her way to a bin of stuffed polar bears. How do you walk right by an anteater? It's like a saw horse wearing a shawl. Which end is which? During her three hour quest for cheesy popcorn and anything stuffed or remotely shiny she did stop to see...

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No More Words

No More Words

I love the way my seven year old daughter's brain works. In many ways she is like an adult already, but she lacks life experience and she perceives things a bit differently than I do. The other night we were talking about the activities surrounding lent at her school. She told me they had discussed almsgiving and one of the activities would be giving to babies. She brought home an empty plastic baby bottle to fill with money and return to her teacher. She interpreted this act as giving money to babies in general, not just those whose parents struggle to provide for them. She has a teacher who just had a baby....

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You Say It’s Your Birthday

You Say It’s Your Birthday

I was born in July. I never knew how lucky my parents were to have a summer baby until I had a child in March and started to throw birthday parties. The weather in Michigan in March is as fickle as Taylor Swift. The day of my daughter's first birthday party in 2012 was an unseasonably warm day. We had to turn on the air conditioning an hour into the party because it was starting to feel like Aruba in August with thirty people in the house. The following year we had to put extra rugs by the front door for people's boots. There was over a foot of snow to remove in the driveway. Needless to say, birthday parties...

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