This Welcoming Committee Sucks

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This Welcoming Committee Sucks
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Excerpt: This afternoon I was at a picnic at my daughter’s school. There is a new girl in the kindergarten class whom I had met earlier in the week and my daughter of course dragged her right over to sit down with us with her parents in tow. We all had plates of food but did not see where there were any beverages. The catering company had not brought any beverages and it appeared that nobody at the school had yet been informed of this dilemma. Knowing that I was seated with the most impatient, and probably most dehydrated little girl ever to walk the earth I thought it would be best to run right into the field house with some cash. I headed straight for the one and only vending machine in the building and pumped it full of dollar bills while pressing “56” until I had what I thought to be enough bottles of water. I reached down to gather my loot but the door would not budge.

This Day Has Been a Long Week

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No, Seriously...
This Day Has Been a Long Week
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Excerpt: Do you ever feel like you are failing miserably at everything you do? Those days suck. Especially when you have five or six of them in a row. A co-worker of mine walked into my office last week and said “this day has been a long week.” She didn’t realize what she had said until the words had escaped her lips, but she couldn’t have been more right in the sentiment. It is those days when everything you touch either explodes or crumbles and there isn’t a thing you can do about it but move on to the next thing.

Bravery

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Bravery
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Excerpt: My sixty-two year old neighbor is training to be a flight attendant. She has worked with kids for most of her adult life so she is already capable of taking care of a bunch of temper tantrums at once but everything else about the job is totally out of her comfort zone. Can you imagine taking that kind of leap of faith into the unknown? I can and it scares me to the core. I also think it’s the coolest thing I have heard all month. I know that a lot of people hear this kind of story and say “big deal, she is changing her career”, but to me this is huge because it takes some pretty big balls to jump without a net and just go for something unfamiliar and uncomfortable. This is pure bravery. I live to hear this kind of story because it encourages me to take those leaps of faith and to get out of my comfort zone too. It tells me I am not crazy when I jump, I am brave. I need that because I still have that voice in the corner of my mind that tells me not to jump, and sometimes that voice disguises itself as reason when it is in fact only fear.

Goodnight Sweet Child

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Goodnight Sweet Child
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Excerpt: Getting out of my daughter’s room when putting her to bed at night requires special forces training. She can sense the end of the book coming and she turns into a spider monkey clinging to anything she can get her little claws around. The moment that last page is turned she goes pro wrestler, climbing on top of me and holding on to my shoulders and head. I start my escape using moves a contortionist would be proud of. It’s like working my way out of a straight jacket. Once I have successfully peeled her off my head and back it’s time to stuff her under the covers. I mean this quite literally. As her limbs come flying out from beneath the sheets, I stuff them back in until they stop escaping. Luckily she is already fairly tired from the wrestling match so the flailing doesn’t last too long.

If The Shoe Fits

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If The Shoe Fits
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Excerpt: We went to see Disney on Ice last weekend, and my child got so caught up in the magic that she became a real princess. As we were walking up the steps from our seats she turned around with a look of panic and said “My shoe, oh no my shoe!” I looked down and sure enough, her shoe had slipped off through the back of the stairs and fell underneath the stands. Quickly, her butler (who also answers to Grandpa) went to check with the guards to see if there was a way to retrieve the slipper. Cinderella sat on the steps crying while all of the other princesses climbed over her having heard the clock strike midnight (and being ushered by their coachmen.) Luckily, Gus and Jaq were there to whisk Cinderella away to her carriage. This was quite a task since Gus was wearing her favorite Michael Kors suede 5″ booties, not having expected to be carrying Cinderella up the stairs.

Hallway Lessons

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Hallway Lessons
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Excerpt: Sometimes lessons come immediately and sometimes they come slowly. My daughter was jumping on the bed the other night as she does many nights. It’s part of her evening performance of “I don’t want to go to bed, and you can’t make me!” She missed the dismount in her grand finale of throwing herself down onto her pillow and torpetoed herself face first into her headboard. Her immediate response was to jump into my arms and say “You told me to stop jumping, you were right!” I wanted to savor the moment of hearing those three words I may never hear again from her mouth, but knew she needed ice, and fast.

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