Hello World

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Hello World
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Excerpt:

Do you ever feel like you are wearing a super hero costume under your clothes? Like you have this secret inner self that can come out when you need it to and be truly awesome? I do. My super hero costume is more like a Black Flag t-shirt. Sometimes it peeks out of my suit jacket when I’m sitting in a three hour meeting about the current tax law changes or my sundress when I’m at my daughter’s school picnic and whoever I’m talking to gets that smile like we share a secret joke. Sometimes they even let me see their costume too.

Party Etiquette

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Party Etiquette
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Excerpt: I never thought I would be googling Emily Post and proper party etiquette, but I found myself doing just that today. I was talking with a few co-workers about people not clearing their plates at informal parties and picnics and came to the conclusion that quite a few people do not immediately clear their plate from where they are sitting after finishing their meal. I started thinking back to all of the parties I have been to in my life (keggers and disturbingly unsupervised teenage house parties excluded) and how I have not only cleared my own plate, but been the designated bus-girl for most of the other guests.

In the Middle

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In the Middle
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Excerpt: I am 44 today and on this day I am celebrating another year on this planet by going to the Warped Tour. On what will be one of the hottest days of the summer I am going to gather with a bunch of fifteen year old kids and listen to really loud punk rock music. My fifteen year old self would have thought this to be awesome and my forty year old self would have found this to be very embarrassing. Four years ago I would have been stuck between trying to dress cool and look like I wasn’t a middle aged woman at a punk show or wearing a really low cut top in hopes that my boobs would distract everyone from the fact that I was a really uncool middle aged woman at a punk show. Today, I haven’t really thought about what I am going to wear or if I will look like a really uncool middle aged woman at a punk show.

My Life and Music

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My Life and Music
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Excerpt:  The chapters in my life are marked by what music I was listening to at the time. For instance, when I was a freshman at Michigan State University I listened to a lot of punk rock like Black Flag & Minor Threat. I used to have a crush on a DJ at the radio station so I called into his show a lot. Every time I called I asked him to play “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” by the Ramones. Subtle, I know. I would like to say my game got better as I got older, but it didn’t.

Life Lessons From My Five Year Old

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Life Lessons From My Five Year Old
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Excerpt: My daughter got punched in the face by a three year old little girl the other day while she was at the child care center at our gym. When the little girl was asked why she did it she said she didn’t know. My daughter’s reaction to getting socked in the head was not at all what I would have expected. She didn’t retaliate, she didn’t cry, she told an adult and went about her business. This very minor random act of violence didn’t bring her down one bit. This made me very proud and very confused. I was of course proud that she did the right thing, but honestly, I did not expect that reaction. I expected her to fight back, to get angry, to be outraged. I expected her to think that the other child’s action was about her in some way. I expected her to internalize the other child’s anger or frustration or fear. I expected her act like me!

Family Vacation

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Family Vacation
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Excerpt: I’m not sure who thought it was a good idea to come to Florida in August, but here we are – me, the husband, spawn and old folks. My Mom’s idea of a good vacation is lounging by the pool. My husband’s idea of a good vacation is seeing everything the destination has to offer. My daughter’s idea of a good vacation is her doing exactly what she wants exactly when she wants which is typically the exact opposite thing of what we are trying to do. So, here we are in Orlando. We planned on appeasing everyone by spending a few days at theme parks and a day and a half by the pool. But my dumb ass ended up buying tickets to the Magic Kingdom for two days and Universal for two days (plus five days for free). What this did was ensure that we would spend every waking hour at theme parks since my dear husband would not want to waste a penny.

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