Flower Punk

by | Mar 31, 2025 | Being Awesome, Lemonade out of Lemons

I grew up with plants in my house. My mom always had a variety ranging from African violets to hanging spider plants. One of my chores as a kid was watering the plants, so apparently at one point in my life I knew what to do. Somewhere along the road I lost this skill completely.

Shortly after I married my husband, I became interested in plants again, focusing mostly on my rose garden and flower beds in the summer. We even had a vegetable garden for several years that flourished. Sometimes I bought house plants but could never remember to water them, or over watered them when I finally remembered. I became known as a plant killer, but I would like to think those plants took their own lives, even if it was just to get away from me.

It wasn’t until my daughter was a toddler that I finally became responsible enough to start caring for other living things in the house outside of the humans I cared for daily. I started buying more plants at that time and found that shamrock plants were very forgiving. They literally cannot be killed. I had several instances where my shamrocks were knocked over and the dirt and roots were thrown back into the pot and they came right back to life. At one point I had both purple and green shamrock plants, and I threw all of their roots into one pot and crossbred them into plants with green centers and purple outlines on the leaves.

Today I have a variety of plants all over my house, mostly spiky things that look scary or punk rock. The cats chew on some of my palms, but most of the others are thriving. I have peace lilies and cactuses, succulents and a bonsai tree. But what I am most proud of is my orchid, which was gifted to me by a counseling client. It died shortly after I received it due to it being handed off in the middle of a snow storm. I read what to do and was informed that the plant itself was not dead, just the flowers. I tended to the roots and the stalks. It has been over a year, but flowers are once again blooming. I guess Orchids are just as forgiving as shamrocks.

I have been watering my plants myself every weekend, but I think it’s time to put this task on my daughter’s chore list. She loves plants, and it will be a good way to give her a little more responsibility. Maybe she will be the next plant killer in the family, but she will also learn that just like family, plants are also pretty forgiving.

**I wrote this post while listening to some pretty epic girl punk rock – VIAL**

She

by | Mar 16, 2025 | Life, Parenting

Today is my daughter’s 14th birthday, and I woke up this morning thinking about the day she was born. I think of that day pretty often actually, because it was one of the best days of my life. I was surrounded by a lot of love on that day. I proceeded to follow my normal morning routine of meditation and prayer. I know it’s probably hard to believe that this is how I start my mornings, but I do. Every. Single. Day. I have to start with meditation to get back into myself and my body, to ground myself for the day. Once I am there I know what to pray for that day. This morning I focused on self-compassion for meditation, because believe it or not, I am pretty hard on myself, and after a busy week, taking care of everyone else, I needed to give myself a little love too. The mantra was “I love you. I am listening” and as I said this to myself and my heart opened, my thoughts went to my daughter and what gift I could give her today. The answer is so clear. I can give her the gift to never stop fighting for her rights as a person to be anything she wants and to love anyone she wants. I believe that God has a plan for everyone and his plan for me was to be her mother.

One of the alumni of my daughter’s community of schools is the one and only Lady Gaga. The woman who fights for trans rights as a calling. I don’t know if she is one of my daughter’s role models, but she is certainly one of mine. This is a woman so comfortable in her own skin, confidence I think she gained during her adolescent years, with a true understanding of compassion and love. I see a lot of those qualities in my daughter. She is kind, and brave and doesn’t really care if people like her or not. She lets her little freak flag fly brazenly. I love that so much about her.

When I finished my meditation, my prayer was that God give me some of the bravery he has showered on my daughter. I will need it. My gift to my daughter is not only to stand up for her rights, but to always think about her future and the future of her children, and their children, and so on. My gift is to try to make this world a better place for her to live in. The world is made up of givers and takers, and I was taught early on to be a giver. My mother is a giver, of her love, time and energy. I think this is because she grew up with a lot of takers in her life. I am also a giver of my love, time and energy. I have given a lot of time and energy to causes that are important to me like mental health awareness and addiction recovery. But I want to also focus on the things that matter for my daughter’s future like human rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and clean energy. I am looking forward to joining peaceful protests this month and beyond, and doing it with my daughter.

I can’t even believe that it has been 14 years that I have been blessed with this beautiful, strong girl in my life. I don’t know if I truly loved myself before she came along, but with every year she grows up I love both her and myself a little more. My love for my husband has grown so much more as well, watching him as a father, and seeing how truly selfless he is in everything he does. We are so lucky to have each other. I am so grateful she chose us to be her parents. Happy Birthday my fearless little rock star, my hero, my heart.

*For your listening pleasure.

Bottle Blond

by | Mar 10, 2025 | Parenting, Punk Rock

I have to take a minute to brag about the bravest girl I know. My daughter, Riley was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) in the fall of 2023 after months of experiencing symptoms. We took her to the pediatrician after she told us she had been getting light headed for three months every time she stood up. My kid is a little bit like me, and ignores her body when it is trying to tell her something. When we finally got her in with the nurse practitioner at our pediatrician’s office, she had no idea what to do. They drew blood which was a traumatic experience for my kid and sent us to specialists. The pediatric cardiologist performed tests and diagnosed her with POTS which is classified as an autoimmune disorder.

Both my kid and I had been reading about POTS since she told me about her symptoms and it was validating for her to get the diagnosis. What sucked most was that she had been an athletic kid, playing field hockey, lacrosse, tennis and basketball and had become unable to play due to all of the running after standing up quickly. This didn’t seem to bother her one bit since she had been juggling sports with theater for a few years by that time. Instead of being angry about her condition, she found people online that she could connect with due to their common diagnosis of POTS. Most of these people were much older than her because it does not normally present itself until late adolescence. She found a woman who wrote funny songs about POTS and used humor to cope which was perfect for my little comedian. Riley was cast in a significant role in the high school’s production as a seventh grade student that year. She knocked it out of the park her first night, but had to leave during intermission on the second night due to POTS symptoms. My heart broke for her since she loved theater so much. I thought she might quit, but she didn’t. She leaned in harder.

Over the course of the school year she struggled to focus, had vertigo daily and nausea on a regular basis. Instead of whining about it, she sat in her room, played guitar and wrote a television script, all while maintaining good grades. She jumped back into music and joined a band through Detroit School of Rock and Pop. She got on stage for the first time in a real band a little over a year after her diagnosis.

Two months later, she tried out for the school play for the second time with girls from her middle school and upper school, and boys from a partnering all boy high school. She set her heart on a role due to the fact that the character was a villain and so over the top, but completely out of her comfort zone – Mrs. Wormwood (Matilda the Musical). And she got the role. As a mother, when my kid is happy, I am happy, and she is happiest when she is around her people which are theater kids. She has been participating in theater camps and community theater since she was 6 years old and she has made friends from different schools and of all ages. I had faith that she would crush the role, no matter what, but I had no idea just how much she was willing to put herself out there. 

I did not see many of the rehearsals until a few days before the performance, but I had heard her walking around the house sounding a lot like Patsy Stone. I knew she had the attitude and the accent down, but I had no idea just how much she was able to get into character until the day before the first show when she came out of her room looking like Jenny Bui had done her nails. I knew she had a few wardrobe changes but I had only seen one of the costumes. The first time I saw her in her hot pink flapper dress was after they rolled her onstage in a wheelchair. Seeing my thirteen year old daughter rolled out with a giant baby bump made me both laugh and scream. She had transformed from the little girl playing dress up with my scarves into a 30 year old woman with a smart mouth, a head full of cotton candy instead of brains, and the vocabulary of a carnival worker. “OH BLOODY HELL!!” may be her new nickname.

For the next two hours I laughed and cried, and wondered how did this child come from me. She has her dad’s talent for sure, and apparently she has my attitude of “who cares what anyone thinks”. Nothing is going to stop this kid from doing what she loves. No challenge is going to get in her way. I am so proud that she lives in her heart so much and knows that her brain and body are the materials she uses to achieve her dreams. I can’t explain how much a gift it was to me to watch my child on the same stage I stood on over 40 years ago and own it in a way I never would have had the courage to do. Thank you Riley for letting me be your mom and come along for this ride. You are a shining star and I will forever be your biggest cheerleader.

For your listening pleasure: Loud from Matilda the Musical

‘Merican

by | Feb 15, 2025 | Being Awesome, Punk Rock

I had the most amusing conversation with a man in the parking lot of a strip mall last week. I was walking out of Michael’s carrying a bag of crafts I probably don’t need and a black and white checkered pot when a man approached me in the parking lot with his hands full of electronics. “Where’s the UPS store?” he asked as he propped up what looked like a stereo on his knee. I must have looked like I had all the answers in the world with my Misfits hoodie and reading glasses perched on top of my unwashed hair. “There isn’t a UPS store in this plaza.” I said as I walked closer to my car. “Well why did Google maps send me here then?” he asked. Clearly this man DID think I had all the answers in the world, so I told him “I don’t know. Probably the same reason it’s now calling the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. It doesn’t know what it’s talking about.” to which he replied “Oh come on, it is the Gulf of America!” At that point I knew I was dealing with an asshat so I told him “there are three UPS stores around here. I’m sure you can figure it out smart guy” and got in my car. I watched him waddle back to his truck with his hands full and try to open the door with one hand while balancing the load with his other arm. I was reminded of something my mom has said – “you can’t fix stupid” and I agree, but sometimes you can play with it.

I have been approached in parking lots multiple times by people asking for directions and I always stop and help them, because they normally begin with something like “excuse me” or “sorry to bother you”. I have also stopped in parking lots to help people who couldn’t load their groceries into their car due to a disability, or taken a cart back to the return when I saw a woman with a baby was trying to decide if she could leave the child alone for those ten seconds because I have been there too. I like to think that my judge of character is pretty spot on and it was in this case. My guess is this guy was trying to make an Amazon return and Google maps was sending him to the Kohl’s where there is an Amazon drop off. Who knows, he may still be driving around, stopping random strangers and demanding they fix his problem, or maybe he called his wife at home and asked for her to help. Not my monkeys, not my circus. I did get a really cool planter out of the trip and a little amusement as well. You really can’t fix stupid.

**Of course I was listening to some fabulous female punk rock while I drove away from Mr. directionally challenged. Check out VIAL if you haven’t already.**

 

 

Epiphany

by | Feb 8, 2025 | Life, Punk Rock

I’m beginning to think some character traits skip a generation. My grandmother used to make up words for things and I do that pretty frequently. Although she used words like “crunkles” to describe crumbs on her clothes and I tend to say things like “son of a seabiscuit” when trying not to swear in front of small children. We both called underwear “bunders” and I am sure she had some made up words for vagina since I only heard her ever call a penis a “jaholacker”. 

My Dad and my daughter have a lot more similarities than my grandma and I ever did, but mislabeling things is definitely one of them. My dad called my husband to come over and help him install a “toilet topper” last week and my husband thought he needed help with the top of the toilet tank until they talked a little more and he realized it was the term my dad used for the cabinet that went above the toilet. Six months ago my daughter had asked to borrow a suit jacket and called it a suit topper. We have since called all blazers and suit jackets just that. She picks up a lot of weird little things from him, like eating unidentified food found in a couch cushion or using knives with no cutting board, but the vocabulary she picks up has to be my favorite. Those two are certainly cut from the same cloth.

*I wrote this while listening to some good old fashioned truth speakers – RATM.

 

State of the Union

by | Jan 25, 2025 | Being Awesome, Life, Punk Rock

This has been a hard week. Since the inauguration on Monday the majority of my therapy clients have been struggling with increased depression and anxiety, afraid for their future and the future of our country. Although working in mental health has been the most rewarding career I have had in my life, weeks like these can be challenging.

It doesn’t help that I wanted to see the news coverage of the inauguration events and as I watched, my daughter walked in while our newly elected president was speaking about his predecessor like a schoolyard bully behind the podium. In the three minutes that she watched he had said he was going to bring down the prices of everything and then talked about placing tariffs on products and my thirteen year old said “wait, he said he’s lowering the cost of goods but is setting up tariffs. Won’t that make the cost of goods go up?” I’m simultaneously proud of my daughter for her grasp of economics and horrified that she is watching the president stand before an audience and spit out words that his actions clearly contradict. I’m happy to say I turned it off before Elon Musk sieg heiled the audience. Don’t even get me started about that little demonstration where the world’s richest man tried to blame the media for misrepresenting him while hate groups spread the clip announcing their new hero. If his intention was not in fact a to make a racist gesture, why not just say so instead of igniting the flames of speculation? It’s probably a little harder to deny once you look up countless antisemitic statements he has made in the past. 

When 1,500 terrorists were released back onto the street I started looking up names. Can we get some kind of registry for these guys like the sex offender registry? I’m guessing since the man who let them out is trying to ignore the fact that they are violent criminals, and turn them into victims makes me think this is not gong to be something that happens. We used to have our government keeping an eye on terrorist groups like the proud boys and oath keepers, but now they are being pardoned by our president and sent home as heroes. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with our country? The man who is in charge of the Pentagon has a giant racist tattoo on his chest, has been fired from multiple jobs for financial mismanagement and showing up to work drunk, has a history of violence against women, and served in the army reserve, but is somehow qualified to run our military.  

I’m watching executive orders roll out and trying to remind myself that these are the same kinds of promises I get from my daughter when she promises to clean her bathroom or empty the dishwasher. Apparently the government can now say there are two sexes when we all know that just isn’t the case. I had to laugh when I saw Caitlin Jenner’s congratulations to the president. I wonder what she’ll think when people start calling her Bruce and forcing her to use the men’s room at restaurants. I would like to keep the MAGAs out of my public restrooms since they seem to be awfully concerned about my genitals. Next time I see a woman in the public restroom at the mall with her little red hat I’m going to ask that security makes sure she is a woman first before letting her in.

I have to wonder what kind of president orders the Constitution of the United States of America to be removed from the White House website and sends ICE with CIA agents to an elementary school to scare small children. He’s already attaching strings to federal relief funds to help with the wildfires because their governor has different political views, and trying to remove the 14th Amendment from the Constitution. Can you imagine if a liberal president took office and issued an order that contradicted the 2nd Amendment? He’s been screaming “FAKE NEWS” forever and I kind of have to agree with him at this point after multiple interviews have gone on the air with all of his false claims being unchecked. I remember having parental warnings for “mature content” on television as a kid and I think at this point they should probably be on the news channels. I stopped watching anything Donny was on when he made fun of a handicapped reporter, and it’s viewed in my house pretty infrequently, but I’m afraid to have my kid see it at my parents’ house where Fox News is a household staple. I have a vivid memory of going to a Christmas party where I saw my racist grandfather and joking we could rile him up by telling him I had a black boyfriend. The thought of telling my kid to do the same thing but with a girlfriend breaks my heart.

I’m seeing a lot of posts about learning who your neighbors are, and I can tell you I am doing just that. We have the kind of patriots around the corner with a flagpole in their front yard where the flag was never at half mast after Jimmy Carter’s death, and I can see deer heads through the window so I’ll be sure to see if they were just pardoned and released from a federal prison. I was thinking about putting a flagpole in our front yard to fly a pride flag because I think you could see it from the freeway, but my husband thinks it might be a wasted effort since the view isn’t as clear as I think it is. My thought is we’ll not know until we try it, so maybe that will be a good summer project.

I have turned off the news for the sake of my own sanity, but still stay plugged in to NPR and Politico. I have a new book to read and am listening to lots of punk rock music while writing client notes so at least the weekend should be good!