Composing a Ransom Note to the Tooth Fairy

My daughter was home from school with an ear infection on friday. After a trip to the doctor we were sent to the pharmacy to pick up an antibiotic. I was trying to insert my credit card into the chip reader while contemplating how she had made it through close to six years without ever having to ingest an antibiotic and now having two within six months. A high pitched voice chirped “I LOST MY TOOTH!!!” My daughter had finally shed her first baby tooth, the one that has been wiggling around for ten days, refusing to pop out. (more…)

Cutting the Cord

Claw hand waiting to reach out…

My daughter has been very clingy lately. I don’t know if it’s the age, or the time of year, but she has been like a fabric softener sheet stuck to my leg. Most of the other Kindergarten parents have started to drop their kids off and let them walk into school by themselves. Not me, I am still making that walk every morning down to my kid’s locker, trailing a few feet behind when I can, trying to become part of the background. She carries her lunch box and backpack as she leads me through the halls, around the corners, all the way to her locker. She puts her things away, chats with her classmates and gets ready for school to start all while I stand back and watch. If I lag behind too much she grabs on to my hand to drag me along. (more…)

Emergency Kit

A snag gone horribly wrong!

Every week my daughter comes home from her ballet/tap class with a run in her tights. This is usually caused by a jagged toenail that I neglected to file properly, so I can’t really blame it on her.  I gave up on filing her toenails the day I saw her with her foot in her mouth gnawing on her big toe. Clearly, she has the job covered. Last week when she came home with snags and runs on both legs of her tights I decided that the best way to remove the tights would be to cut them off. This way she could put a pair of pants on over her leotard and we could head straight to the gym which was the plan for the evening. She didn’t have to disrobe or even lift a finger this way. I ushered her into the kitchen while telling her about the very first time I cut clothing off of her. (more…)

Trolls

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My daughter is very much like her father in that she gets obsessed with something and does not let go for ages. The most recent obsession has been the Trolls movie and soundtrack. She actually has an alarm clock that I bought her when the movie was in theaters that I have been torturing her with for months. (Or not, I’m Not Giving Up Today!!) (more…)

Who’s the Miserable Shrew?

 

On sale - the worst of humanity - box of 1,000

On sale – the worst of humanity – box of 1,000

I have a love/hate relationship with Costco. I love the people watching and I hate the worst of humanity that I see while people watching. Yesterday was a prime example of the worst of humanity. We were approaching the center aisle and coming directly at us was a mother and her two children. The boy who looked about 8 years old was busy trying not to walk into a display of Mikasa flatware while playing with a rubik’s cube. His sister who looked about 2 years older was having a conversation with the mother while skipping beside the cart. I caught the tail end of the conversation which went something like this:

Daughter: “…well you compare us to other kids all the time.”

Mother: “That’s because you are a bratty little miserable shrew!”

Wait, what?!? Did I just hear that? I waited for the mother to start laughing. This had to be a joke. But there was no laughter, there was not even a snicker indicating some inside joke. This mother was dead serious. And I hate to point out the obvious but the mother may have been projecting just a little based on the look on her face, otherwise known as “miserable shrew”. She made resting bitch face look like a smile.

We sped down the aisle to escape as quickly as possible while I turned to my husband and asked “I just heard that, right?” He confirmed that I did in fact hear just what I thought I did to which I replied “wow, it’s the mother of the year!!” We spent the next twenty minutes trying to avoid this family with little luck. In fact, the mother was proven right when the little girl passed our cart in between the blueberries and oranges and said “excuse me” as she passed. How dare she be polite to strangers. What a brat!

To all the parents who think they are doing a bad job, do yourself a favor and take a trip to Costco. You will see just how good of a job you are doing. Unless of course you are calling your child a miserable little shrew, and then you are doing a bad job as a parent. But please, if this is you, still go to Costco, you are making me truly feel like the real mother of the year!

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Awesome As I Want To Be

This is what we do for fun in our house. Unfortunately it does not look like I am having fun. I really am, but I am such a bad drummer that I have to focus 100% on counting in my head. It’s tough to be in a band with an actual musician and a five year old who channels Cherie Currie. I don’t care if I am the worst drummer to ever pick up a set of sticks, playing in our little family band is some of the most fun I have ever had. Enjoy. There will be more videos to come. We are currently working on some punk rock!

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