Welcome to No, Seriously... I'm Jen Logan. These are my adventures, experiences and opinions. If you are new to the site and can't decide if you want to send me gifts because you think I am so awesome, or send my husband an escape plan because you feel so bad for him - I recommend a few stories to get to know me.

I listen to great music! I also remember pretty much every life event I have had by what music was streaming in my head at the time.

I screw things up a lot! I'm okay with this. The more you screw things up, the less people ask you to do. The things I am good at, I'm pretty damn good at.

My husband is a saint! He truly is. He has stuck it out with me for almost thirteen years now.

Being a parent is the greatest gift in the World! It is also the messiest and scariest gift I have ever received.

They Call it Medicine for a Reason

They Call it Medicine for a Reason

Save I attempted to make homemade chicken noodle soup the other night. It's been quite some time since I have actually cooked anything. I am not a great cook. I am a master of salads but heated food it a challenge for me. I have set two stoves on fire in my life. Yes, two stoves. My husband and I used to cook together a lot and when I got pregnant he took over the cooking duties, banishing me from the kitchen. I have not made a meal that requires any form of heat since then. Our daughter will be six in a few weeks, so that is almost seven years I have avoided a stove!  I secretly think it took him that long to...

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Composing a Ransom Note to the Tooth Fairy

Composing a Ransom Note to the Tooth Fairy

My daughter was home from school with an ear infection on friday. After a trip to the doctor we were sent to the pharmacy to pick up an antibiotic. I was trying to insert my credit card into the chip reader while contemplating how she had made it through close to six years without ever having to ingest an antibiotic and now having two within six months. A high pitched voice chirped "I LOST MY TOOTH!!!" My daughter had finally shed her first baby tooth, the one that has been wiggling around for ten days, refusing to pop out. The cashier quickly got me a baggie for the tooth while I finished paying for our drugs....

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Cutting the Cord

Cutting the Cord

My daughter has been very clingy lately. I don't know if it's the age, or the time of year, but she has been like a fabric softener sheet stuck to my leg. Most of the other Kindergarten parents have started to drop their kids off and let them walk into school by themselves. Not me, I am still making that walk every morning down to my kid's locker, trailing a few feet behind when I can, trying to become part of the background. She carries her lunch box and backpack as she leads me through the halls, around the corners, all the way to her locker. She puts her things away, chats with her classmates and gets ready...

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Don’t Be a Bergen

Don’t Be a Bergen

I had to run over to Target to buy some knee pads for my daughter. She has been riding her scooter outside since it has been warm and she fell and scraped her knee, so we told her she could wear knee pads while riding just in case she falls again. I was a little tempted to skip the sporting goods section and go straight for the office supplies to buy bubble wrap. She really is my child, she trips while standing still. I found the knee pads and headed straight for the checkout. I would normally stroll around for awhile just in case I needed something that wasn't on my radar until I saw it but I have a bit of a...

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Emergency Kit

Emergency Kit

Every week my daughter comes home from her ballet/tap class with a run in her tights. This is usually caused by a jagged toenail that I neglected to file properly, so I can't really blame it on her.  I gave up on filing her toenails the day I saw her with her foot in her mouth gnawing on her big toe. Clearly, she has the job covered. Last week when she came home with snags and runs on both legs of her tights I decided that the best way to remove the tights would be to cut them off. This way she could put a pair of pants on over her leotard and we could head straight to the gym which was the plan for the...

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Get Uncle Ian his Walker

Get Uncle Ian his Walker

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the DJ referred to Fugazi as "Mom music"! Yes, you heard that right, my beloved Ian may be heard streaming from mini-vans across America soon, in the parking lots of Target and middle school parking lots during soccer practice. My hip aches at the thought of it. I guess I should have known this day was coming when I walked into Nordstrom a few weeks ago and found myself shaking my butt as Modest Mouse played in the kids shoe department. I just thought it was a good day to be standing in front of the tiny size Doc Martens as Isaac Brock sang about fender benders with...

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Trolls

Trolls

\ Save My daughter is very much like her father in that she gets obsessed with something and does not let go for ages. The most recent obsession has been the Trolls movie and soundtrack. She actually has an alarm clock that I bought her when the movie was in theaters that I have been torturing her with for months. (Or not, I'm Not Giving Up Today!!) As far as soundtracks go, the Trolls one is not so bad. However, my kid loves the most annoying song on the soundtrack and she wants to hear it repeatedly. I have never been a fan of ballads, in fact I want to poke my ear drums with chop sticks when I hear anything...

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This is Why We Stay Home

This is Why We Stay Home

My husband loves to go to the movies. I do not. Once or twice a year, I throw him a bone and we go to a movie theater. Unfortunately for him this usually also requires that we go to dinner and spend the night at a fancy hotel. This is not because I am high maintenance, this is because I am a creature of habit. Since the year we were married we have been going to the Townsend Hotel for an overnight stay. We go to dinner and a movie, sleep in and eat like pigs. Truth be told, it is all about the bakery basket we get in the morning with breakfast. He could probably save a lot of money by heading straight to the...

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I’m Turning Into my Mother

I’m Turning Into my Mother

Last saturday I woke up to see that I had a voicemail from my Mom. I walked down into my kitchen to get my coffee while listening to the message. I pressed play but heard nothing. Pulling the phone away from my ear I read the transcription, but still heard no audio recording. I stopped the message and hit play again. Still nothing. On my third attempt, the garage door opened and my husband yelled for me. At the same moment I heard my Mom's voice coming through the speakers of my car. My husband had my car running in the garage while he was making sure the tires were all properly filled. I like my music loud so...

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