Welcome to No, Seriously... I'm Jen Logan. These are my adventures, experiences and opinions. If you are new to the site and can't decide if you want to send me gifts because you think I am so awesome, or send my husband an escape plan because you feel so bad for him - I recommend a few stories to get to know me.

I listen to great music! I also remember pretty much every life event I have had by what music was streaming in my head at the time.

I screw things up a lot! I'm okay with this. The more you screw things up, the less people ask you to do. The things I am good at, I'm pretty damn good at.

My husband is a saint! He truly is. He has stuck it out with me for almost thirteen years now.

Being a parent is the greatest gift in the World! It is also the messiest and scariest gift I have ever received.

Only Child Syndrome

Only Child Syndrome

I am an only child. It was great growing up and always being the best one at whatever I did because there was nobody there to measure up against. But then I got married and all of a sudden there was someone else in "my" family to compare myself to. It sucks to be married to a guy who can do everything. I taught myself how to cook and I was decent at it, but then he started cooking so I gave it up. I was a photographer in high school and did a fairly decent job as family photographer until he came along and he is actually a gifted photographer, so I gave that up. He is a better parent, a better provider, a...

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“Not Really Gone” by Blaire Sharpe Book Review

“Not Really Gone” by Blaire Sharpe Book Review

"Not Really Gone" by Blaire Sharpe is about a woman growing up in a family with a  lot of dysfunction and how the matriarch (Grandma) held her family together the best she could. It is the story of a girl growing up with absent and neglectful parents, but also a grandmother who stepped in and became a parent to the three children left behind by parents who couldn't manage to take care of themselves. It is the story of how a young woman was shaped not so much by the events in her life but how the love she felt from her grandmother stayed with her through all of those events. It is the story of how a grown woman...

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She’s Crafty

She’s Crafty

When I was pregnant with my daughter I remember talking with my husband about what she would look like. It was almost like setting our pictures side by side and picking who had the better physical feature. I won nose, eyebrows and bottom lip. He won the rest. My husband is much better looking than I am. I am totally okay with this. Some of the traits we hoped for were more practical, like we both hoped she had my husband's teeth, straight, white and no cavities. These qualities all cost less and save a lot of pain for all of us. We also hoped that she did not end up with my bow legs and knobby knees. We talked...

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What’s My Age Again?

What’s My Age Again?

I was the guest reader for my daughter's class yesterday. I love going to read to the kids, and the little bodies seem to like me. I think it's because I am like a very large child in high heels. I say what is on my mind and I am awkward when in close proximity to others in silence. These are two characteristics most people seem to outgrow, but I never did. Put me in an elevator with another person and I develop a mild case of Tourette's syndrome. This is one of the reasons I use the stairs whenever possible. If I am in a small space with another person alone for too long they are probably going to hear about...

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They Call it Medicine for a Reason

They Call it Medicine for a Reason

Save I attempted to make homemade chicken noodle soup the other night. It's been quite some time since I have actually cooked anything. I am not a great cook. I am a master of salads but heated food it a challenge for me. I have set two stoves on fire in my life. Yes, two stoves. My husband and I used to cook together a lot and when I got pregnant he took over the cooking duties, banishing me from the kitchen. I have not made a meal that requires any form of heat since then. Our daughter will be six in a few weeks, so that is almost seven years I have avoided a stove!  I secretly think it took him that long to...

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Composing a Ransom Note to the Tooth Fairy

Composing a Ransom Note to the Tooth Fairy

My daughter was home from school with an ear infection on friday. After a trip to the doctor we were sent to the pharmacy to pick up an antibiotic. I was trying to insert my credit card into the chip reader while contemplating how she had made it through close to six years without ever having to ingest an antibiotic and now having two within six months. A high pitched voice chirped "I LOST MY TOOTH!!!" My daughter had finally shed her first baby tooth, the one that has been wiggling around for ten days, refusing to pop out. The cashier quickly got me a baggie for the tooth while I finished paying for our drugs....

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Cutting the Cord

Cutting the Cord

My daughter has been very clingy lately. I don't know if it's the age, or the time of year, but she has been like a fabric softener sheet stuck to my leg. Most of the other Kindergarten parents have started to drop their kids off and let them walk into school by themselves. Not me, I am still making that walk every morning down to my kid's locker, trailing a few feet behind when I can, trying to become part of the background. She carries her lunch box and backpack as she leads me through the halls, around the corners, all the way to her locker. She puts her things away, chats with her classmates and gets ready...

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Don’t Be a Bergen

Don’t Be a Bergen

I had to run over to Target to buy some knee pads for my daughter. She has been riding her scooter outside since it has been warm and she fell and scraped her knee, so we told her she could wear knee pads while riding just in case she falls again. I was a little tempted to skip the sporting goods section and go straight for the office supplies to buy bubble wrap. She really is my child, she trips while standing still. I found the knee pads and headed straight for the checkout. I would normally stroll around for awhile just in case I needed something that wasn't on my radar until I saw it but I have a bit of a...

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Emergency Kit

Emergency Kit

Every week my daughter comes home from her ballet/tap class with a run in her tights. This is usually caused by a jagged toenail that I neglected to file properly, so I can't really blame it on her.  I gave up on filing her toenails the day I saw her with her foot in her mouth gnawing on her big toe. Clearly, she has the job covered. Last week when she came home with snags and runs on both legs of her tights I decided that the best way to remove the tights would be to cut them off. This way she could put a pair of pants on over her leotard and we could head straight to the gym which was the plan for the...

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Get Uncle Ian his Walker

Get Uncle Ian his Walker

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the DJ referred to Fugazi as "Mom music"! Yes, you heard that right, my beloved Ian may be heard streaming from mini-vans across America soon, in the parking lots of Target and middle school parking lots during soccer practice. My hip aches at the thought of it. I guess I should have known this day was coming when I walked into Nordstrom a few weeks ago and found myself shaking my butt as Modest Mouse played in the kids shoe department. I just thought it was a good day to be standing in front of the tiny size Doc Martens as Isaac Brock sang about fender benders with...

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