Welcome to No, Seriously... I'm Jen Logan. These are my adventures, experiences and opinions. If you are new to the site and can't decide if you want to send me gifts because you think I am so awesome, or send my husband an escape plan because you feel so bad for him - I recommend a few stories to get to know me.

I listen to great music! I also remember pretty much every life event I have had by what music was streaming in my head at the time.

I screw things up a lot! I'm okay with this. The more you screw things up, the less people ask you to do. The things I am good at, I'm pretty damn good at.

My husband is a saint! He truly is. He has stuck it out with me for almost thirteen years now.

Being a parent is the greatest gift in the World! It is also the messiest and scariest gift I have ever received.

Summertime Blues

Summertime Blues

Yesterday was my daughter's last Monday in Kindergarten. She has less than two weeks left of school and then she will be home for the summer. This is going to be an interesting summer. Since she has been in school she has spent summer days with her Grandparents. A few years ago I took Fridays off work so she and I could have one day a week to spend alone together. We spent most of those days sleeping in late and going to the zoo. These were fun days for her but it only lasted for about ten weeks before it became unfeasible at my office. Since then she has always spent summers as well as any other school breaks...

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Spoiler Alert – It’s Not Really Poop!

Spoiler Alert – It’s Not Really Poop!

Why do kids like gross stuff? The grosser it is, the more they like it. My daughter came running up to me last night while we were shopping at Michael's yelling "Mom, I want unicorn poop! Can I get unicorn poop?" I must have looked at her like she was speaking a different language because she slowed down her speech a little as she touched my hand and said "They have REAL poop!" Now even more perplexed I looked up to find my husband halfway across the store with a smile on his face. Apparently he knew what she was talking about. That, or he was amused by my confusion. She called "Come on Mom! Come see the real...

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Say My Name

Say My Name

My Dad is a master of the nickname. He has one for everyone. Well, everyone he likes. You know you have made it to his good side once you have received a new name from him. It's like a right of passage. I think it took my husband a few years of marriage before he was dubbed "John-boy". The guy I dated prior to that never got a nickname even though he was around for ten years. My Dad called him "Dick" a lot, but so did everyone who knew him so I don't think that counts. I have not heard my given name from my Dad's mouth since I was seven. Not even when I was in trouble. My daughter has somehow acquired this gift...

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The Swan

The Swan

Last year my daughter took her first dance class. It was a tap and ballet class after school for an hour one day a week. Most of the girls in her grade were in the class so it was an easy sell at first. Then she realized it involved work. My daughter is a little like me, she does not like to overexert herself or sweat. She took a soccer conditioning class a few years ago that had her ready to file a child endangerment claim against me. She literally sat down in the middle of the field several times because she was too hot from running around for two minutes. She raised her hand every time the coach asked if...

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Video Killed the Radio Star

Video Killed the Radio Star

We started filming today. This has only been a few weeks in the making but it feels like the equipment has been sitting in the living room for years. I don't know if it's because this idea has been percolating in my head for awhile or if it's because my husband has been walking in and checking the lighting every ten minutes since it was set up. Who knew it took two cameras, two microphones and three lights to properly capture my essence. I would have had a few minions following me around with the proper lighting years ago if I had known this. The past month has been spent working on audio blogs and now we are...

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Parking Wars

Parking Wars

You know how when you have a new car it is a magnet for every bad driver on the road and in parking lots? My car is three years old and still attracts every bad driver within five miles. There can be thirty open parking places in the Target parking lot and some boob will park so close to my door that I have to crawl in through the passenger door. This inevitably happens when I am wearing my tightest pencil skirt and 5" heels. Sometimes there is even a gaggle of construction workers nearby to witness my graceful decent into the driver's seat. Seeing me perform this move, one would never believe that I was, in...

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Smile Like You Mean It

Smile Like You Mean It

I am bad with names. When I am telling a story to my husband I usually have to go into great detail to explain the characters involved instead of just saying "Bob." This makes my stories exceptionally long. Well, that and the fact that I have a hard time getting from point A to point B without hitting Z, Y and X while veering off track through the other "points" to the story. Yesterday I was attempting to tell my husband that I found out a talent that a Mom of one of my daughter's classmates has. As per usual, I started at point A and started working my way to point B. Somewhere about mid-alphabet I said "You...

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Sarcasm is my Second Language

Sarcasm is my Second Language

I don't know how my husband puts up with me, I really don't. I was having a conversation with my daughter this morning about how many bows in her hair were too many and I realized that nobody can really take me seriously since I speak fluently in sarcasm. When I say something looks great, I am usually being sarcastic. When I say someone is smart, I am usually being sarcastic. And when I say I totally agree that I am being a giant A-hole, I am most definitely being sarcastic. That is because I don't see my sarcasm as anything but really funny. Well, it's funny to me at least. There is a downside to being as...

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Six Going on Sixteen

Six Going on Sixteen

My daughter came home yesterday and informed me that she is going to need braces. She deduced this after looking at one of her only two adult teeth. It isn't even all the way in yet! She had been worried about it all day. She told her Dad how she had a conversation with a friend at school about her need for braces.  I told her it was probably coming in crooked because she always has her hands in her mouth. She looked at me and said "you put your hands in your mouth a lot when you were little huh?" Well played mini-me! Save...

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