What’s My Age Again?

What’s My Age Again?

I was the guest reader for my daughter's class yesterday. I love going to read to the kids, and the little bodies seem to like me. I think it's because I am like a very large child in high heels. I say what is on my mind and I am awkward when in close proximity to others in silence. These are two characteristics most people seem to outgrow, but I never did. Put me in an elevator with another person and I develop a mild case of Tourette's syndrome. This is one of the reasons I use the stairs whenever possible. If I am in a small space with another person alone for too long they are probably going to hear about...

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Composing a Ransom Note to the Tooth Fairy

Composing a Ransom Note to the Tooth Fairy

My daughter was home from school with an ear infection on friday. After a trip to the doctor we were sent to the pharmacy to pick up an antibiotic. I was trying to insert my credit card into the chip reader while contemplating how she had made it through close to six years without ever having to ingest an antibiotic and now having two within six months. A high pitched voice chirped "I LOST MY TOOTH!!!" My daughter had finally shed her first baby tooth, the one that has been wiggling around for ten days, refusing to pop out. The cashier quickly got me a baggie for the tooth while I finished paying for our drugs....

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Cutting the Cord

Cutting the Cord

My daughter has been very clingy lately. I don't know if it's the age, or the time of year, but she has been like a fabric softener sheet stuck to my leg. Most of the other Kindergarten parents have started to drop their kids off and let them walk into school by themselves. Not me, I am still making that walk every morning down to my kid's locker, trailing a few feet behind when I can, trying to become part of the background. She carries her lunch box and backpack as she leads me through the halls, around the corners, all the way to her locker. She puts her things away, chats with her classmates and gets ready...

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Emergency Kit

Emergency Kit

Every week my daughter comes home from her ballet/tap class with a run in her tights. This is usually caused by a jagged toenail that I neglected to file properly, so I can't really blame it on her.  I gave up on filing her toenails the day I saw her with her foot in her mouth gnawing on her big toe. Clearly, she has the job covered. Last week when she came home with snags and runs on both legs of her tights I decided that the best way to remove the tights would be to cut them off. This way she could put a pair of pants on over her leotard and we could head straight to the gym which was the plan for the...

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Trolls

Trolls

\ Save My daughter is very much like her father in that she gets obsessed with something and does not let go for ages. The most recent obsession has been the Trolls movie and soundtrack. She actually has an alarm clock that I bought her when the movie was in theaters that I have been torturing her with for months. (Or not, I'm Not Giving Up Today!!) As far as soundtracks go, the Trolls one is not so bad. However, my kid loves the most annoying song on the soundtrack and she wants to hear it repeatedly. I have never been a fan of ballads, in fact I want to poke my ear drums with chop sticks when I hear anything...

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Who’s the Miserable Shrew?

Who’s the Miserable Shrew?

  I have a love/hate relationship with Costco. I love the people watching and I hate the worst of humanity that I see while people watching. Yesterday was a prime example of the worst of humanity. We were approaching the center aisle and coming directly at us was a mother and her two children. The boy who looked about 8 years old was busy trying not to walk into a display of Mikasa flatware while playing with a rubik's cube. His sister who looked about 2 years older was having a conversation with the mother while skipping beside the cart. I caught the tail end of the conversation which went something like this:...

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Awesome As I Want To Be

Awesome As I Want To Be

This is what we do for fun in our house. Unfortunately it does not look like I am having fun. I really am, but I am such a bad drummer that I have to focus 100% on counting in my head. It's tough to be in a band with an actual musician and a five year old who channels Cherie Currie. I don't care if I am the worst drummer to ever pick up a set of sticks, playing in our little family band is some of the most fun I have ever had. Enjoy. There will be more videos to come. We are currently working on some punk...

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Everything In It’s Place

Everything In It’s Place

My whole family spent Saturday putting away Christmas decorations and organizing. While I was packing up the snow globes and attempting to get four tons of glitter out of the couch cushions, my husband kept our five year old preoccupied in her playroom organizing. She had already spent a large portion of the morning helping take the ornaments off the tree, but after almost driving me into apoplexy by swinging my annual Swarovski snowflake ornaments around her little finger like a tassel I banished her to an entirely separate floor of the house. Off she went to organize her toys. This would probably not be a fun...

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Someone has to be in charge…

Someone has to be in charge…

Coloring with my daughter is a little like coloring in a North Korean prison. She doles out the markers you are to use and marks your pages indicating where each color belongs. She hands me one marker at a time, only after she has tested the color to see if she likes it, saying "we can share". Little Kim Jung Il comes over to check on my progress periodically and shakes her head at my inability to stay in the lines. She is clearly disappointed in my artistic abilities. This is nothing new. She once got very upset with me because I didn't draw Velma's arms correctly when I tried to help her finish a drawing. She...

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Down with the Sickness

Down with the Sickness

My five year old has roid rage. She was prescribed Prednisolone for a cough last week. The cough is still around but now it's a little deeper and comes with a punch. Within a few minutes of taking her medicine she is ready to swing at anyone who walks by. It would be easier if she were not taking it right before bed but I am a little apprehensive about sending her out into the world all juiced up. I don't want her getting sent home from school because she put one of her classmates in a choke hold. After going to school a month ago with a black eye, they might think we are operating a mini fight club in our...

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