This Welcoming Committee Sucks!

This Welcoming Committee Sucks!

This afternoon I was at a picnic at my daughter's school. There is a new girl in the kindergarten class whom I had met earlier in the week and my daughter of course dragged her right over to sit down with us with her parents in tow. We all had plates of food but did not see where there were any beverages. The catering company had not brought any beverages and it appeared that nobody at the school had yet been informed of this dilemma. Knowing that I was seated with the most impatient, and probably most dehydrated little girl ever to walk the earth I thought it would be best to run right into the field house...

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Sugar Junkie

Sugar Junkie

My husband is a sugar junkie through and through. Last night at the gym he decided it was a good idea make a stop at Whole Foods on the way home for some cookies from the bakery. When it was determined that neither of us had a wallet, he devised a plan whereby he would use his gym card to buy all kinds of wholesome goodies and take them to Whole Foods where he would find someone using a Bridge Card to pay for their purchases and trade them the previously purchased goodies for a ton of cookies. I pointed out that only a true junkie would find a way to get his sugar and make sure it was paid for by the...

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I Can Do Hard Things!

I Can Do Hard Things!

Have you ever met someone who seems to be good at everything they do? Pediatrician by day, chef in the evening, pro tennis player on the weekends and super model at every charity event you see her at. Yeah, that bitch! And you can't even call her a bitch because she isn't. She is a good friend, the Mom you call when your kid needs a place to hang out after school for a few hours and the neighbor who calls to tell you how sorry she is when she hears your cat died. I am not her, not even close. I come home from work most days and look in the refrigerator with confusion about how my husband can build an actual...

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Demons

Demons

I went to a funeral yesterday for a twenty four year old woman. I think everyone would agree this is far too young to die. It was not mentioned in her obituary or at the funeral how she died, only that she died suddenly. "Suddenly", it's the code word for in a tragic way that we don't want to talk about. I get it. If my daughter died because her demons finally won, I don't know if I could put into words what killed her. I would want her to be remembered for the good she brought to the world, not for how she left it. I don't know what I would feel if I had to say good bye to my child because the demons won even...

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Just call me Helen

Just call me Helen

I was at a party and a woman whom I have known for a few years walked over with her husband and introduced me as "Kathy". I corrected her (of course) and we both laughed at how bad we are with names, but for a minute my ego got a little inflamed. It jumped up with it's big peacock feathers screaming "don't you know who I am?" and then I remembered that as I was approaching her I was struggling to remember her name, which by all accounts should have been a piece of cake since she shares a name with my Grandmother! Oh ego, you little beast. Of course everyone should know my name. Meanwhile I have walked by the...

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Family Vacation

Family Vacation

I'm not sure who thought it was a good idea to come to Florida in August, but here we are - me, the husband, spawn and old folks. My Mom's idea of a good vacation is lounging by the pool. My husband's idea of a good vacation is seeing everything the destination has to offer. My daughter's idea of a good vacation is her doing exactly what she wants exactly when she wants which is typically the exact opposite thing of what we are trying to do. So, here we are in Orlando. We planned on appeasing everyone by spending a few days at theme parks and a day and a half by the pool. But my dumb ass ended up buying tickets...

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My Life and Music

My Life and Music

The chapters in my life are marked by what music I was listening to at the time. For instance, when I was a freshman at Michigan State University I listened to a lot of punk rock like Black Flag & Minor Threat. I used to have a crush on a DJ at the radio station so I called into his show a lot. Every time I called I asked him to play "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" by the Ramones. Subtle, I know. I would like to say my game got better as I got older, but it didn't. I was listening to the Smiths a lot when I started dating my husband. To stay mentally balanced I also listened to a lot of Hatebreed & Refused....

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In the Middle

In the Middle

I am 44 today and on this day I am celebrating another year on this planet by going to the Warped Tour. On what will be one of the hottest days of the summer I am going to gather with a bunch of fifteen year old kids and listen to really loud punk rock music. My fifteen year old self would have thought this to be awesome and my forty year old self would have found this to be very embarrassing. Four years ago I would have been stuck between trying to dress cool and look like I wasn't a middle aged woman at a punk show or wearing a really low cut top in hopes that my boobs would distract everyone from the fact...

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Party Etiquette

Party Etiquette

I never thought I would be googling Emily Post and proper party etiquette, but I found myself doing just that today. I was talking with a few co-workers about people not clearing their plates at informal parties and picnics and came to the conclusion that quite a few people do not immediately clear their plate from where they are sitting after finishing their meal. I started thinking back to all of the parties I have been to in my life (keggers and disturbingly unsupervised teenage house parties excluded) and how I have not only cleared my own plate, but been the designated bus-girl for most of the other...

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Hello World!

Hello World!

Do you ever feel like you are wearing a super hero costume under your clothes? Like you have this secret inner self that can come out when you need it to and be truly awesome? I do. My super hero costume is more like a Black Flag t-shirt. Sometimes it peeks out of my suit jacket when I’m sitting in a three hour meeting about the current tax law changes or my sundress when I’m at my daughter's school picnic and whoever I’m talking to gets that smile like we share a secret joke. Sometimes they even let me see their costume too. I think that my inner hero is a lot like myself as a child – excited and full of life...

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