We Need a Professional

We Need a Professional

One of the first people who learned I was no longer working a nine to five was the woman who cleans our house. This wasn't because it was a luxury service that we immediately discontinued once we became a one and a half income family. She was actually scheduled to clean right when I began staying at home. She was not accustomed to me being in the house when she came to clean, so she was a little surprised the day she opened the door to find me lounging in my yoga pants and tank top on the couch. When she asked if we would still need her to clean the house, I answered "of course we do!" I know what kind of mess...

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Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day

My husband asked for one thing for Father's Day - a homemade card from his daughter. Mini-me is as gifted at gift giving as her mother. She had to gum up the works just a little. She made the card, but forgot to sign her name. This should explain why my card was signed "terrible wife" instead of my usual "bad wife!"...

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Worst Boat Ride Ever

Worst Boat Ride Ever

My Dad has been talking about owning a boat for a few years. For every birthday, father's day and Christmas he has asked for a boat, and he has received a variety of small plastic toys in return. This started when my parents bought a house on a lake the same year my daughter was born. They bought a couple of wave runners that summer which they have utilized fairly frequently on sunny days since then. I ride them twice a summer, when we are bringing them into the water for the first time and when we are taking them out of the water for the winter. My husband and I are not really "lake" people. As a matter of...

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The Girls Get Around

The Girls Get Around

Being an only child, you need to improvise when you want to have a girls day watching movies, or a dance party. My daughter creates her parties using a couple of three foot tall Disney princesses. Although they normally reside in her playroom, they make an appearance in other rooms of the house while she is playing. Inevitably, they spend a night sitting on the couch in the family room. On these nights, my prankster husband finds it funny to set the girls up in strange places when he leaves for work in the morning. I awake to find Belle next to my bed or Anna peeking out from behind the bathroom door. He takes...

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Attention Target Shoppers…

Attention Target Shoppers…

My husband and I have had fun filming. So much fun that we filmed an intro video. We wanted to incorporate all of the things that I do on a regular basis, so of course we had to film me shopping at Target. It is my second home after all. Seriously, when I got in my car after leaving the gym on Saturday, my GPS told me how long it would take to get to Target rather than my house! Filming at Target was kind of fun. My husband was a bit like a nature documentarian, following this big cat in her natural habitat. The only bummer was that he made me put back everything I had put in the cart. Apparently they were just...

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Say My Name

Say My Name

My Dad is a master of the nickname. He has one for everyone. Well, everyone he likes. You know you have made it to his good side once you have received a new name from him. It's like a right of passage. I think it took my husband a few years of marriage before he was dubbed "John-boy". The guy I dated prior to that never got a nickname even though he was around for ten years. My Dad called him "Dick" a lot, but so did everyone who knew him so I don't think that counts. I have not heard my given name from my Dad's mouth since I was seven. Not even when I was in trouble. My daughter has somehow acquired this gift...

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The Swan

The Swan

Last year my daughter took her first dance class. It was a tap and ballet class after school for an hour one day a week. Most of the girls in her grade were in the class so it was an easy sell at first. Then she realized it involved work. My daughter is a little like me, she does not like to overexert herself or sweat. She took a soccer conditioning class a few years ago that had her ready to file a child endangerment claim against me. She literally sat down in the middle of the field several times because she was too hot from running around for two minutes. She raised her hand every time the coach asked if...

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Parking Wars

Parking Wars

You know how when you have a new car it is a magnet for every bad driver on the road and in parking lots? My car is three years old and still attracts every bad driver within five miles. There can be thirty open parking places in the Target parking lot and some boob will park so close to my door that I have to crawl in through the passenger door. This inevitably happens when I am wearing my tightest pencil skirt and 5" heels. Sometimes there is even a gaggle of construction workers nearby to witness my graceful decent into the driver's seat. Seeing me perform this move, one would never believe that I was, in...

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Six Going on Sixteen

Six Going on Sixteen

My daughter came home yesterday and informed me that she is going to need braces. She deduced this after looking at one of her only two adult teeth. It isn't even all the way in yet! She had been worried about it all day. She told her Dad how she had a conversation with a friend at school about her need for braces.  I told her it was probably coming in crooked because she always has her hands in her mouth. She looked at me and said "you put your hands in your mouth a lot when you were little huh?" Well played mini-me! Save...

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The Natural

The Natural

I have been recording my audio blogs over the past several weeks with the help of my husband. He has a studio in the basement. When we first moved into our house his studio was the size of half of the basement. As our daughter grew and her toys got bigger and more abundant, she required more space. What was once a studio was cut in half to become a playroom with a studio attached. Once the Barbie Dream House and air hockey table made their way into the playroom, the studio wall was moved back even further. My husband's space is now the size of a New York City apartment. In this studio he has his audio recording...

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