Pretty Vacant

Pretty Vacant

In our house we meditate. We practice both individually and together. If you have met me, I know this is probably hard to believe - but can you imagine what a spaz I would be without meditation? At night before my daughter goes to bed we all meditate together in her bed. We take turns choosing the guided meditation nightly. Whenever it is my daughter's turn she chooses this really bizarre guided journey about a child with an angel friend that looks like a rainbow. It starts out okay enough, even if the main character is named Sarah and "could be a little girl or a little boy". I'm thinking maybe if the main...

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Password Protected

Password Protected

Like all good parents we have password protected our devices, including my daughter's Kindle, to prevent her from online shopping and/or purchasing apps or games by herself. You wouldn't think a six year old is able to online shop, but she sees a lot of it going on in our house as well as her grandparents' house. Quality grandma/granddaughter time consists of searching different legos or barbies and scrolling through pages and pages of product photos. Mini-me can even find where the toy is sold for the best price. I don't give my Mom a hard time about this because I know that intelligent shopping is in fact a...

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It’ll Eat You From the Inside Out

It’ll Eat You From the Inside Out

Kids are kind of creepy. Once they finally stop spewing bodily fluids out of every orifice after those toddler years, they start spitting out teeth like an MMA fighter. My six year old lost her top two teeth this week after horrifying her grandparents for the week prior when both teeth were flopping around like a pair of swinging doors. This amused me, mostly because my dad is very rarely squeamish and he was just that every time his favorite little body came running at him with her tongue pushing her teeth in and out of her mouth. Somehow I remember losing all of my teeth within a short time period. Maybe it...

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Miss World

Miss World

I hate when my husband asks questions like "Can I trust you to make a reasonable decision?" I want to respond with a question of my own - Are you new here? Of course you cannot trust me to make a reasonable decision. Reasonable is not exactly in my wheel house. I'm kind of a go big or go home kind of girl. He typically asks these kinds of questions in context to shopping or party planning. I hear questions like this often during the months of November and December when I am Christmas shopping and in the spring when I am planning our daughter's birthday party. I vividly remember him telling me not to get too...

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We’re Gonna Make You a Star

We’re Gonna Make You a Star

Over the last year my daughter has become intrigued by YouTube. She started watching a woman who bakes and does silly challenges like "not my arms" and a bunch of blindfolded food tasting. Some of the videos are funny, some are stupid and some actually teach my kid how to do something! I became intrigued when I read that this particular YouTube star made $6 million last year. After reading this I jumped right down the rabbit hole and read dozens of articles about people who are YouTube famous. Sadly, the top earner is a guy who makes videos of himself playing video games. People are now so lazy that instead of...

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What’s a Kid’s Menu?

What’s a Kid’s Menu?

When I was a little girl one of my favorite things to do was go out to dinner at fancy restaurants. My parents and their best friends traveled together often with me and my "cousin" who was a year older than me. We ate lavish dinners while on vacation in places like Cancun Mexico, New York and the Playboy Club Resort somewhere in the midwest. You know, because Playboy was known for their family friendly vacations in the eighties! The children were always allowed to order whatever we wanted whether it be filet mignon or chocolate mousse. I don't know if I ever saw a kids menu as a child - I certainly didn't...

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She’s a Giver

She’s a Giver

We went trick or treating on Halloween night with some friends. Unfortunately my little girl is kind of lazy and her trick or treat bag was a tad longer than her legs so she spent a large portion of the night dragging her bag next to her. I kept trying to have her hold it up around her shoulder but it proved to be too difficult of a task for her to do while racing ahead of the other kids and parents for the first hour of our excursion. The night started with all of the little princesses running down the street like they had been shot out of a cannon. After several threats of having to hold mom's hand and not...

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Doctor Feelgood

Doctor Feelgood

I had a physical last week. It had been a few years since I had gone in to see a doctor since my primary care physician packed up and moved across the country in 2015. As my new doctor and I were discussing concerns and updating my health history he said "you have put on a little weight since you were here last." I responded with "actually I have lost weight since my last visit." Apparently the medical assistant had transposed numbers when she entered my weight into the computer. I was taken aback for a minute but then I remembered the woman who was in the hospital bed next to me awhile ago. She was trying to...

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Stacation

Stacation

My parents have owned their lake house for six years and my immediate family has never spent the night there. Other family members have stayed, used the amenities like a hotel and left without much more than a wave. I have spent many days at the lake house for family celebrations and saturdays doing yard work. I have also spent days cleaning the house after others have stayed. I have helped my Mom scrub the floors, wiped chocolate fingerprints off windows, fixed broken chairs and carted away beer bottles and the remnants of carryout containers after their visits. I have changed the sheets and vacuumed the...

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Lucky #13

Lucky #13

  I got into my car the other day to find that what was once my favorite station on SiriusXM radio had changed. I listened to Faction pretty religiously because they played punk rock. For a few weeks it changed to a Guns N Roses takeover which wasn't all that terrible because there was still some decent music and that band always makes me think of my husband. But when I backed out of my driveway the other day the new format was in full effect. What I heard was the DJ talking about how he likes hanging around bars when the women come out drunk wearing one shoe because it is like "shooting fish in a barrel." My...

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