Why do kids like gross stuff? The grosser it is, the more they like it. My daughter came running up to me last night while we were shopping at Michael’s yelling “Mom, I want unicorn poop! Can I get unicorn poop?” I must have looked at her like she was speaking a different language because she slowed down her speech a little as she touched my hand and said “They have REAL poop!” Now even more perplexed I looked up to find my husband halfway across the store with a smile on his face. Apparently he knew what she was talking about. That, or he was amused by my confusion.

She called “Come on Mom! Come see the real poop!” as she ran across the store. I’m sure the staff loved to hear that. She clearly has a future in marketing. Real poop. Of course I followed her. I was pretty sure they were not selling real poop in between the acrylic paints and plastic flowers, but nothing shocks me anymore. I walked up to where my family was now standing, and staring at me from the end cap display was a box that read “Make Your Own Gross Poop.” My first question was did they really have to use the word gross? I mean is there non-gross poop that I am not familiar with? At first I thought the package was the sugarless gummy bears that turn your digestive system into a water slide for Yogi and his friends. I was thinking about what a strange new marketing strategy this was by the Haribo folks when I realized that it was a kit to make your own slime. This particular kit contained brown slime with what appeared to be chunks of green and yellow. Seriously, who would buy this?!? My daughter stood laughing. I looked next to the “Gross Poop” box to find a “Unicorn Poop” box featuring a picture of a unicorn and pretty pink slime with little flecks of glitter throughout. When looking at the two boxes side by side it was an easy decision. Of course I let her get the Unicorn Poop. My question was answered – nobody would buy the brown goop, it’s a clever ploy to get Moms like me to say yes as quickly as possible to the lesser of two evils. Genius!

We finally made our first batch of Unicorn Poop today after many hours of begging by the littlest Logan. It was pink and glittery and slimy as promised. It has been sitting in a cup on the coffee table where my daughter occasionally plays with it by sticking a spoon in the cup and pulling out a glob to drop back in. She does not touch the slime with her hands. That would just be gross. Somehow she still managed to get a glob of slime on her brand new white shirt from Bebe. I also heard her Dad asking her how she got slime in her hair. I did not investigate this conversation.

I suspect the “Unicorn Poop” will sit right where it is for a few more days before it is thrown in the garbage. The remaining contents of the kit will find their way into a bin to never be touched again. This is usually the way gimmicky crafts and toys go in our house. I’m so glad she passed up that useless book she was considering trading in her poop for. We could actually be reading today instead of stain sticking clothes and washing slime out of hair! That was a close call.

 

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I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

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