Riley Hulk Roid RageMy five year old has roid rage. She was prescribed Prednisolone for a cough last week. The cough is still around but now it’s a little deeper and comes with a punch. Within a few minutes of taking her medicine she is ready to swing at anyone who walks by. It would be easier if she were not taking it right before bed but I am a little apprehensive about sending her out into the world all juiced up. I don’t want her getting sent home from school because she put one of her classmates in a choke hold. After going to school a month ago with a black eye, they might think we are operating a mini fight club in our basement. So she takes her medicine at night and in the time it takes me to rinse out the cup she has changed from my sweet little girl into Lou Ferrigno. I can only see the whites of her eyes as she growls “I don’t need pajamas!”

As I grab her by the arms and try to remove her shirt I can feel the room go cold around me. Looking up expecting to see my child’s head rotating all the way around in her best Linda Blair impersonation I instead find her laughing as she climbs over my back and makes a run for it. She found her escape and makes like a wild animal for the door. Luckily her Dad heard the banshee scream and is at the door to block her path. Thank God the cavalry has arrived. We manage to strip her out of her clothes and get her pajamas on without anyone getting seriously injured. There are only two squeals of “stop pulling my hair!” and I think one may have actually been from my husband’s mouth.

On to the most challenging part of the night – book selection. It is my turn to pick. I quickly set down my “How to Deal with Hulk Roid Rage for Dummies” and go for the children’s selections. I see the snarl on her lips as I start pulling out “Ladybug Girl and Bumble Bee Boy” and quickly shove it back into the stack. I pull out a Fancy Nancy selection and turn around hoping for the best with the smile of a deranged clown plastered on my face as I ask “will you read this to me?” She looks at me with a look of defeat. I can see in her eyes that she wants to rage on but she can’t say no to showing off her reading, especially with at least five French words to stun her captive audience with. The beast has quieted for the time being and we are ready to settle in for snuggle time. Until tomorrow night…

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I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

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